Alice Read Online Free PDF Page B

of the floor. While they’re still short, a couple of WONDERLANDERS , unseen by ALICE , attach arrow-shaped boards to the top of them so that they become signposts.
    No, come on, Al, think properly. Got to find this Heart thing. OK, so it’s not like biologically a heart because – I mean how could you go there, so
–
    So what else does heart mean?
    The Heart means the middle, right, the middle of something? The centre.
    So if I’m in a place , I’ve got to find the middle of it.
    Except I haven’t got a chuffing map.
    ALICE looks around and sees the signposts.
    Oh. OK. This is better.
    ALICE goes to the signpost closer to her and tries to read the writing at the top of it. It says ‘HERE’, and points downwards.
    Here. Ok, I’m here.
    Behind ALICE a creature slinks across the stage in a rakish fashion – a self-styled lady killer in cowboy boots and a shirt with frilly cuffs.
When he sees ALICE , he stops, his face breaking into a broad grin.
    He stands still with a hand on his hip. The CHESHIRE CAT .
    CHESHIRE CAT: Hello you.
    ALICE looks at him.
    I said, hello you .
    ALICE: Hi.
    ALICE goes back to looking at the other signposts.
    CHESHIRE CAT: What’s a gorgeous creature like you doing all alone?
    ALICE: I’m not alone –
    CHESHIRE CAT: That’s a fib, naughty. Come over here, don’t be unkind.
    ALICE: I’m alright, thanks.
    ALICE looks at another signpost. The CHESHIRE CAT sidles up to her without her realising.
    And this one says ‘There’, which is there – so there’s a place called here and a place called there –
    CHESHIRE CAT: Mind if I rub against your leg?
    ALICE jumps a little, looks at him with her best hard stare. He leans against one of the signposts, using it like a scratching pole. He smiles.
It’s unnerving.
    ALICE: Why are you smiling?
    CHESHIRE CAT: Why aren’t you? It takes a lot more muscles to frown than smile, you know.
    ALICE: Yeah, I need the exercise.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Feisty – I like it.
    The CAT starts to purr.
    ALICE: What are you doing?
    CHESHIRE CAT: It means I like you.
    The CAT stretches his arms up.
    Stroke my tummy.
    ALICE: Do you know how old I am?
    CHESHIRE CAT: Cat years?
    ALICE: What?
    Oh, OK, you’re a cat.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Stroke my tummy.
    ALICE: I won’t, if you don’t mind.
    God’s sake, cats, rabbits...
    The cat’s ears prick up, he’s suddenly alert.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Rabbit? Where?
    ALICE: No, not – Oh look please go away, I’ve got something I’ve got to do.
    She looks at another sign.
    This one says ‘everywhere’. But it only points to one place.
    The CAT plays with a swingball toy attached to the pole and it spins around.
    Right, OK.
    This doesn’t make sense.
    The CAT stops and looks at ALICE , arching his back and purring.
    ALICE: Oh for god’s –
    CHESHIRE CAT: What?
    ALICE: I wish you’d stop.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Stop what?
    ALICE: Trying to. Flirt me, or whatever.
    CHESHIRE CAT: But you’re lovely.
    ALICE: Thanks, but. I’m busy.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Fair dos, my darling. Thought you might need my help, that’s all.
    ALICE: Well I don’t.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Fine. Cheery-bye.
    ALICE moves off, trying to look purposeful. The CAT sets to work attaching extra signs to the signposts. ALICE watches, surprised. The CAT continues to watch her out of the corner of his eye.
    ALICE: OK, I do need some help. But I’m only asking ‘cause you’re the only person here.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Flattery will get you everywhere.
    ALICE: Just, since you’ve got signposts, you might be able to help me find the Heart.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Ah, the Heart.
    ALICE: Geographically.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Yes yes.
    ALICE: So?
    CHESHIRE CAT: Stroke my tummy?
    ALICE: No.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Stroke my tummy. D’you want my help or not?
    ALICE looks at him, realises he won’t help unless she obliges. She reaches out and at arms’ length scratches his tummy lightly with her
fingertips .
    He purrs .
    ALICE: OK, that’s enough. Which way do I go?
    CHESHIRE CAT: Any way, really.
    ALICE: Answer