Ain't No Sunshine Read Online Free PDF Page A

added.
    "No," Ruthie said still determined, "someone killed my Matthew.  His brother," she added, pointing to me.  I had stayed a few steps behind her with my head down.  I was a little embarrassed. I knew no one would believe her.  They would give her the same look my pre-school teacher had given me when I tried to tell her what my father did to me and my mother. 
    "And just who killed Matthew?"  he asked, still smiling.
    "Reverend Phillips," Ruthie stated boldly.  Stanley's smile melted off his face.
    "Girl, you can't go 'round accusin ' innocent people of thangs .  Do you know what God does to liars?"
    "The same thing he does to murderers! Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about that. I ain't a liar!" Ruthie yelled with her hands on her hips.  "He did it.  I know he did!"
    "Stephen," Stanley called still staring at Ruthie.  I thought he might take off his belt and give her a beating right there.
    "Yes, Sir."
    "Why don't you go home and teach your colored friend some manners?  And tell her your brother joined the Navy.  He's not dead."
    "Yes, Sir."   I grabbed Ruthie's hand and tried to pull her out of the station.  She kept ranting about how my father was a murderer and how we might be next. 
    "He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye!  He's dead, I know it!"  No one listened.
    Ruthie and I sat on the stone steps outside the police station as the skies darkened.  We sat there in silence for what seemed like forever.  I knew Ruthie was trying to come up with a plan. I thought she'd want to leave as I felt the first few drops of rain.  Grandma Esther had just straightened her hair and any kind of moisture would make it curl up again.  But Ruthie didn't move.  She just sat there.  As the rain started to come down harder, Ruthie started to cry. Matthew had been like a father to her.  He was another one to add to the list of people she loved that had left her. 
    We coped with our grief by searching for Matthew's body in the woods.  Ruthie thought that if we found a body maybe someone would believe us.  We let Goldie sniff his clothes and run around the woods, thinking she could find where my father had buried Matthew.  She was just a puppy, though, and most of the time she'd end up chasing a squirrel while Ruthie and I continued the search. We looked for clues and even dug numerous holes, thinking we had found his grave.  We finally decided that we would never find his body and gave ourselves some closure by holding a memorial service for him by the lake.
    We both dressed in black and met at the lake right before sunset.  Ruthie drew a picture of Matthew, and we taped it to a tree during the service.  Then we both gave speeches, sharing what we loved about Matthew and what we would miss the most. 
    "I'm gonna miss the way he'd tuck me in at night and tell me that everything was gonna be okay and the way he made me feel safe," I said.
    As tears trickled down her face, Ruthie said "I'm gonna miss the way he would put me on his shoulders on the way to the park and how he would pick us up from school every day and on Fridays take us for ice cream."
    Then Ruthie sang "You Are My Sunshine" because that was her favorite song to sing with Matthew.  I felt the song was pretty appropriate. For our entire lives, Matthew was the only ray of sunshine. Next, we took the drawing of Matthew and buried it in one of the holes we had dug, looking for his grave.
    My life got much worse without Matthew.  My mother became just a shell of her former self.  She barely spoke, even to me.  Sometimes she would just look at me and start crying.  Then she would grab me and say "I'm sorry" over and over again.  I guess she was apologizing for the way my father treated us.   She thought it was her fault that she didn't have the strength to take me and leave.  I didn't blame her, though.  I could handle the abuse.  I had gotten used to it.  It was just mind over matter for me.
     

Chapter 7
     
    Every day during