Ace's Basement Read Online Free PDF Page A

convertibles, but the best part was that we’d video Gonzo, our drummer, getting his head shaved. Don’t ask me why, but he was up for it. Drummers are crazy, you know?
    â€œSo Stan set up, and Gonzo’s girlfriend, who was a babe, shaved his head while Stan filmed the whole thing. It went great. Gonzo had a major mullet to shave off, so hair was flying everywhere. But underneath, it turned out he didn’t look so slick. His head was all lumpy and pointy, and his ears stuck straight out. His girlfriend said they were like car doors. Man, it was grim.
    â€œGonzo was mad when he looked in a mirror, but we told him he’d taken a hit for the band. Stan told him it was great footage too. Now, you’ve gotta remember this was before digital cameras. So we gathered around for the playback, and that’s when we found out one of the reasons Stan worked so cheap—he was the kind of guy who’d forget to load a tape in the camera.”
    Chuck laughs and shrugs to settle his leather jacket. “And that’s what he’d done. There was nothing to see. I thought Gonzo was going to rip Stan apart right there. He was jumping up and down yelling, I did this for nothing? Like I said, drummers are crazy.
    â€œAnyway, one look at Gonzo, and nobody else would get shaved. And we couldn’t do it to him again, of course. His girlfriend said we could if we stuck a wig on him. I think they split up not long after that. Gonzo wore a Boston Bruins toque for the next three months, which was tough, ’cause it was summer. That was the end of our video.”
    Chuck starts to climb the stairs. I follow him, wondering if Stan and Denny could be related. Chuck heads off to the hardware store. I go online and find that Lisa is there too. I’m not sure what to message, except I know not to mention cutlets.
    Finally I type, Hi crazy day for sure. Think Denny can make it work?
    She messages back, Think pigs have wings?
    Wings make me think of chickens, and chickens make me think of cutlets. Oh, no. Usually, talking with Lisa is easy, but now I have to choose every word carefully. I decide to type, Busy 2nite? Want 2 do music or anything
    I’m hoping Lisa will pick up on the “anything.” I’m about to send it when there’s another message from Lisa. Have 2 go now.

Chapter Nine
    Denny sends the video Sunday afternoon. Usually my mom has an open house on Sundays, but today another agent is doing it for her. This is bad, because it means she’s walking by when the video comes onscreen. I try to shut it down before she notices, but I’m too late.
    â€œIs this it?” she cries. “Perfect! Let’s see.”
    Now I’ve got no choice. The video is titled Coming Apart at the Dreams. The title turns out to be the last thing Denny’s gotten right.
    Everything else sucks. For the entire three minutes and twelve seconds. There are shots of us in the park and some of us busking. All of it is embarrassing. Lisa looks hot, but beside her I look like a toothpick in a straw hat and neck brace. The harmonica solo plays over shots of Doom Master posed in different places. Then, for a big finish, the colors go all overexposed and everything blurs. Oh, spare me.
    It is every bad homemade band video you’ve ever seen rolled into one. The shots last forever. The camera jiggles every time Denny moves. The syncing is a mess. Our lips move when there’s no singing and don’t move when there is. Our guitar strums don’t match the music.
    The only plus side is that the video is so useless, we don’t have to decide not to post it. It’s a no-brainer that this should be deleted.
    Not for Mom. “Heyyy,” she says when it’s finally over. “For a first try, I think it’s…fun. That’s what this is all about, right?”
    No, that’s not what this is all about. This is about me becoming rich and famous and so cool that girls—one