Ace's Basement Read Online Free PDF Page B

you’re on table setting and salad.”
    â€œI didn’t say I have no homework.”
    â€œThen come on up and do it before you set the table.” Mom starts back up the stairs. All but her shins and feet have disappeared when she stops. “Say,” she calls back down, “do you know a YouTube video called Pop Top ?”
    â€œNope.”
    â€œChuck’s text said to check it out. Everyone at his office says it’s a hoot.”
    â€œGee, better jump right on that one.” God knows what an office full of Chucks would call a hoot. I don’t want to find out.
    â€œOkay, smart guy. Up here for homework in five minutes.” Mom goes upstairs. There are a few more footsteps, then nothing.
    I pull out the guitar for a sec. Mom will remember the five minutes, but I can try to make them last.
    I’ve just played the coolest chord I’ve ever heard, and I’m trying to figure out what it is when I hear the kitchen footsteps again. Mom’s voice floats down. “Hey, get up here and check this out. Then you’ve got homework.”

Chapter Ten
    I guess this is togetherness time. I head upstairs. Mom is at the kitchen table. She’s sitting in front of her work laptop, holding Arch. The Pop Top video is cued up on the screen. The first image is a frozen orange blur.
    â€œHow long is it?” I ask. I don’t know how much Chuck-style funny I can take.
    Mom peers at the screen. “Three minutes and twelve seconds.” Why does that time sound familiar? She pulls another chair out from the table. “Have a seat.”
    I sit on the edge of the chair. I’ll give this thirty seconds, tops. Mom clicks on the Play icon.
    Through the tiny speaker I hear an acoustic guitar strum. It’s a rhythm and chord I know. A bass line kicks in. I know it too—I play it all the time. It’s “Coming Apart at the Dreams.” Hey, what is this?
    The camera pulls back and into focus. The orange blur is the fuzzy lining of a guitar case, with Doom Master in the middle. I’m getting a very bad oh-oh feeling. But what is this? Did Denny go rogue? The shot switches to Lisa’s tight pink top as she sways on the swings. The parts of her in that tight pink top bounce in slow-mo as you hear her sing,
    What’s up? I’m down
When you’re not around…
    And now, a flash close-up of my face with my eyes bulging out, as if I’m staring at her bouncing. I know it—it’s from that day Denny surprised me with the camera.
    I could trip, I could fall
Would you hear if I called…
    Now I’m fast-motion stumbling into the guitar case and Lisa’s jumping back, then my eyes bulge and I yell. Then there’s a shot of Doom Master tumbled over on two white lumps—cutlets.
    I feel bad, I feel good
Like you knew that I would…
    Aw, noooooo …I can guess what’s coming. Sure enough, there’s Lisa doing the Heimlich on me, then a cutlet popping out of the neckline of her top and the harmonica popping out of my mouth. Cut to Doom Master on the ground, as if he’s what I spat out.
    Over and over and over and over
Coming apart at the dreammmmmms…
    Over and over and over and over, there is Lisa’s chest doing four stuttery fast-mo bounces on the teeter-totter, with a cutlet popping again and again and again and again. On dreammmmms, a cutlet sails through the air. Cut to Lisa turning away and fumbling with her top, then my bulging eyes again.
    Can it get worse? Of course it does. The first verse repeats, and this time you see my butt-first crash landing on the teeter-totter. It’s a horror show. I’m frozen, my eyes locked on the screen for all three minutes and twelve seconds, including the last bit, where a flying cutlet takes out Doom Master. Every second makes us look like idiots. As an added bonus, I look like a pervert, too.
    It doesn’t help that I hear Mom snorting, giggling, then just