Accidents Happen Read Online Free PDF Page A

than she’d imagined.
    ‘OK. Well. Five years ago my h—’
    She stopped. The tears were welling again. Threatening to betray her. To expose soft wounds beneath toughened bones.
    She tried again but the word remained stuck in her mouth. Sylvia waited.
    ‘I find it difficult to say the word.’
    ‘Take your time.’
    She swallowed hard and forced the syllables forwards. ‘My hus -band.’ The word came out strangled and sore.
    ‘Your husband?’
    Kate stared.
    Of course, Sylvia didn’t know.
    For a second, the word ‘husband’ sounded real in this woman’s mouth. As if it applied to now. As if it were still precious and present. It was such a shock that Kate forgot about fighting the tears. One burst free and ran down her cheek.
    ‘Please.’ Sylvia leaned forwards, offering tissues.
    ‘Oh,’ Kate groaned involuntarily, taking one. She sniffed and wiped her cheek. ‘No. My husband . . . was killed.’
    The flash of violence, silver and sharp. She automatically touched her stomach.
    ‘Oh, Kate. How terrible for you. I’m so sorry,’ Sylvia said. Kate held up one hand and took a breath so deep to control herself that she felt her lungs would burst.
    ‘And my parents.’
    It was no good. When the breath returned back out of her lips, it had transformed into a sob. It forced its way out of her chest and burst noisily into the room.
    She sat back in the chair, horrified.
    ‘Sorry,’ she gasped, trying to force it back.
    ‘Kate, it’s fine to cry.’
    Kate shook her head vigorously. She tried to form the words ‘It’s not’ with her lips, but the motion threatened to allow the tears to escape properly. She shut her eyes and fought hard, focusing on the torrent that she knew was trying to force through the tunnels of her interior, weakening the walls that kept her upright and functioning on the worst days, before knocking them down with an effortless wave, to send her wearily, exhausted, to another lost day under the covers in bed.
    No.
    Angrily, Kate sniffed even harder.
    She did not cry any more .
    She would not.
    ‘One thousand.’ She forced herself to count internally. ‘Two thousand . . . Three thousand . . . Four . . .’
    The heave of her chest settled gradually.
    Sylvia clasped her hands in her lap. ‘Kate. I can see this is very difficult for you. Would you like to tell me what happened?’
    ‘No,’ Kate said, gratefully feeling her composure gradually return. ‘It was years ago. Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. Not right now.’
    She sat up, determined, facing Sylvia. It was time.
    ‘I’m here because I do sums.’
    ‘Sums?’
    ‘Yes. Obsessively. All the time, in my head.’
    ‘Could you tell me what kind of sums?’
    Kate shrugged.
    ‘I calculate stuff . . . statistics. Constantly. To stop more bad things happening to us.’
    ‘You and your son?’
    ‘Jack. Yes.’
    ‘Could you give me an example?’
    ‘Well, I could. But before I do, I need to know something.’
    ‘Please.’
    Kate sat forwards. ‘If I tell you, do you have the power to take away my son?’
    Sylvia blinked. Just once. ‘Kate, if I feel a child is in immediate danger, I have an obligation to take some action. But the fact that you are here, seeking help in relation to your son, makes me think you are a good mother.’
    Kate nodded, surprised. ‘I try to be,’ she said, fighting back fresh tears.
    ‘Well, why don’t we concentrate on you? Can you tell me more about these sums?’
    Kate looked out of the window. For a whole minute, she didn’t speak.
    ‘OK, there was a lot of traffic tonight so I decided to cycle. But before I cycled, I did a sum. I worked out that because it’s May, my chances of having a bike accident are higher because it’s summer, and about 80 per cent of accidents take place during daylight hours, but more than half of cycling fatalities happen at road junctions, so if I went off-road I could lower it drastically. So I did. And because I am thirty-five, I have more chance of