A Tiger in Eden Read Online Free PDF Page A

fucked off back to where they come from after that to talk about what big men they were and how brilliant Paul Gascoigne was and how they were going to win the next World Cup or something. Aye, sure good luck with that, you bunch of eejits.
    Usually I wouldn’t mind giving lads like that a hiding, sure they deserved it so they did and I done much worse before, but I didn’t feel the best after to be honest. It wasn’t the aul bruises, they always fade, there was just something about the whole atmosphere of the place thatwas starting to get me down. Maybe it was that I knew Claire wouldn’t hang around. Even though she liked me, after a wee while she’d be away on a plane just like the lads I’d given a beating to. They sort of win in the end ‘cos it’s just an aul holiday for them, just an adventure that’ll turn into stories to tell their pals. They get to go home whereas me, Loyalist hard man, big fucking whoop, sure I’m stuck so I am.

4
    Phuket. Now there’s a place that’s well named. I went out about eleven to get some breakfast to soak up the booze. Lo and behold who should I see at the café down the road but these two blonde bints I’d clocked the day before. They looked bored as fuck but they were both already pretty tan. Not as dark as me, mind, but still not bad. I suppose they had fuck all else to do but lie on the beach. The older German men didn’t seem to like them being around, like they were seeing something they shouldn’t. Probably reminded them of their daughters. Their faces perked up at the sight of me so I went over to sit with them.
    Bout ye ladies, I says. Youse picked a right spot for the holidays. They looked at each other funny and for a minute I thought fucking hell some of these aul Germancunts have brought their daughters with them, the sick bastards. Then one of them goes to me in perfect English, we didn’t know it was this bad, she says, we’ve only got a few days leave from work, we were staying in Malaysia but it was too weird. She had a strange accent. I could tell she was European but there was a bit of an American twang in there. Then the other one goes, this is just as bad, you’re the only young person we’ve seen, what are you doing in a place like this?
    I ordered fried rice with an egg on top in the local lingo. I could see they were impressed but obviously I wasn’t going to tell them the truth of the matter so I says, same as youse, I heard the craic was good here but looks like we were misinformed, aye? Fucking sick, so it is, what do youse think?
    They nodded. I could tell they were relieved I wasn’t a sex tourist like all the aul fellas but at the same time I was thinking I’d better get out of there pronto before one of the wee tan whores came along and says hello, Billy, how’s the rash, sorry about that by the way.
    Don’t tell us youse two are German, I goes.
    Nah, no way, the first one says with a look like she was chewing on a lemon. We’re Dutch. We work for KLM and we got free flights out here, we wanted to go somewhere nice and tropical but we’ll know better next time. Are you Scottish?
    I get that all the time. Most cunts can’t tell the fucking difference but at least she asked rather than going what part of Scotland are you from. Nah, I says, I’m Irish.That was playing it safe. She didn’t press it like most do and ask what part. I usually say Leitrim anyway, as no cunt’s heard of that. Sure I couldn’t even tell you where it was myself, like.
    I love the Irish accent says the other one, whose hair was a bit darker and shorter than the first one though they looked pretty much the same in the face. The first one had bigger tits. I could hardly take my eyes off them the whole time but the second one had nipples you could hang your coat on. Since I’d sat down they’d been straining against her blue bikini top. They were both wearing sarongs around their bottom halves and expensive sunglasses. D&G on the both of them, probably got