A Pretty Pill Read Online Free PDF Page A

coloured hair.  His face and what will undoubtedly be his build, is all Dad.  I look like my Aunt Sharla, my Dad’s sister, who we don’t see anymore because she’s a bit psycho.  In fact his parents are both a bit weird, and we don’t have anything to do with them.  He never liked us having anything to do with them.
    But Silas and I share the same sense of sarcastic humour; the easy banter that is all Mum’s quirkiness and then there’s our athletics.
    I am a state athlete for high jump ; yeah I know, why aren’t I at the Institute of Sport?  Why aren’t I aiming for higher?  Probably because I haven’t got the drive to make it my life... and the coach I would’ve been attached to was a total dick!
    Silas is all swimming ; he was zone... district... state... definitely had the ability to go further.  This is a bit of a kick in the gut; now he’ll never be as good as he would’ve been; despite the fact that the orthopaedic surgeon has told me he’ll resume all normal functioning after a time
     
    ***
     
    I’m lying in the darkness, listening to the last call I got from my mother; the one I missed that night I was with Graeme, and then Tim.  I’m such a slut!
    “Honey, we’ll be leaving early in the morning ; Silas is coming with us, because Gran is feeling a bit tired today.  We’ll be reaching campus around 10.  I love you sweetie... I miss you!  See you tomorrow.” She says before hanging up.
    My heart crashes through the back of my chest, and the cavity that is my stomach churns with distress.
    “I... m-m-miss... you... too!”  I whisper into the darkness; choking on my tears and drowning in my despair.
    I’m getting better at pretending in the daylight... around everyone else.  I hold it together pretty well, but at night when the darkness surrounds me, when I’m in bed and the gravity of the situation is closing in and engulfing me like black tar; sucking the oxygen out of my body and leaving me gasping for breath... I struggle!
     
    ***
     
    “Aaargh!”  Silas’ blood curdling screams tear through to my room... it’s the middle of the God damn night.
    I’m out of bed and running before my mind even registers what my body is instinctually doing.
    I’m jumping on his bed and throwing my arms around him.
    “Why couldn’t you let me die too?”  He cries, “I’m not here!  I’m not... I can’t... please kill me!”  He pleads painfully.
    “I love you!  I love you, and I can’t imagine life without you too!”  I cry.
    He’s crying too, and holding me fiercely.
    “Why couldn’t you just let me die?” he croaks, his body shuddering.
    “Because I can’t and I won’t!” I explain.
     
    ...March...
    “I fucking hate you!” Silas screams and slams the door in my face.
    “Well I love you!” I scream right back.
    “No you fucking don’t... you wish I would’ve died... I wish I would’ve died... I fucking hate this place!” he shouts through his door.
    “No... I don’t hate you Silas... you’re wrong!” I reply loudly.
    He viciously pulls the door open and looks up at me, “No you don’t!  You hate me... don’t lie!”  He screams up at me.
    “I promise you, I don’t hate you!” I say to his face, “I love you!” I repeat, as once again he slams the door in my face.
    “Fucking liar!  You’re a fucking liar and I just want to kill myself!” he shouts.
    I walk back to the lounge area, where the fight started... cleaning up as I go.
    “I do love you,” I mutter quietly; “But I despise you too!” I admit to myself.
    The television is off, because I turned it off and told Silas it was time for bed.  This is the reason for him going ape-shit with me.  After pointing out I am not his mother, and then me pointing back that I’m still in charge; the whole night went to shit.
    I really hadn’t expected it to be so hard to do this.  But we’re family, and blood’s blood.  I’m exhausted, run down and bewildered. I’m about to turn 20 and I