feel like I’m 40 instead. This bullshit is my life now... eggshells cover every surface I navigate at home. At least he goes to school every day! And I get to deal with Joe public in the bar I work in, which is actually a good distraction to my personal hell that is in fact my reality.
Rachel, Sandy and Gwen sometimes stop by, but Silas is a bit too much to handle when they’re there. He acts all tough and rude. So they tend to just pop over to my work when they can, and sit at the bar while I work. They regale me of all the gossip and it gives me both entertainment and heartburn.
I admit to feeling an intense amount of jealousy regarding the differences in our lives.
I’m up early doing laundry, vacuuming and cleaning my house. I’m also making lunches, dinner and trying to keep a volatile young man in line.
They’re studying things I find interesting, going out and partying... and getting laid!
I fucking hope this is all worth it in the end!
...July ...
“I’m cold; can I climb in with you?” Silas asks from my bedroom door.
“Okay, bring your quilt in too.” I say. It is cold, and we’ve been putting off using the heating because of the expense.
Silas comes back in dragging his quilt. He’s piloting his way through the house now without any crutches, and although he’s not running around, he’s doing really well. His physiotherapist has had him swimming laps to build up his strength, and he loves the return to the pool; I wasn’t enjoying the expense of taking him every day, so I bought us season tickets, and now I swim too, every day after work.
Silas settles himself in and turns to give me one of his bone crushing hugs.
“I love you Jade.” He says.
“I love you too, Silas.” I reply ; it’s moments like these that make this bullshit worthwhile.
...August...
“Happy Birthday! You’re officially a teenager!” I enthuse, jumping on Silas’ bed and giving him a big hug by lying on top of him. I’ve let him sleep in; it’s mid morning already, and it’s August 17, and Silas is turning 13. It’s a school day, but I’m taking the day off to take him out.
“What’s happy about it?” he murmurs. It’s one of those moments, when you’re caught in between being super happy and incredibly miserable. I’m happy that he’s having a birthday ; but it’s the first birthday where Mum isn’t baking a cake for him... when Dad isn’t taking him fishing in the freezing Armidale conditions... when I’ve had to give him less than what he’d normally have because I just can’t afford the things that my parents could.
The inheritance is pretty substantial. The house is sold and my parents had some decent savings and life insurance; but unfortunately for us, it said in their Wills that although the money is split equally after their assets are liquidated (bar the furniture and contents of course); we are not allowed to access it till we are 25. So the money sits in trust gathering interest, while I work my arse off to give Silas whatever I can.
I’m sure my parents couldn’t foresee what this would mean, because they wouldn’t have thought they’d die before we were well into adulthood, but the inconvenience of it is debilitating. I guess they thought that until we were 25, we might waste our inheritance. I just wish they could’ve reasoned that their parents wouldn’t take over our care, and see that I was responsible enough to do the right thing.
“Well, I’m going to take you to lunch, and then we’ll go and do anything you want! Do you want to go to Sydney and see a movie at the IMAX? Tomorrow’s Saturday ; so we can stay out as long as you want!” I reason.
He shrugs noncommittally ; I take it as a yes, and I’m glad that at least he isn’t shouting at me and pushing me away like he frequently does. It makes the prospects for today as it stands... possibly good!
...December...
I ’ve decided to forgive my
Rachel, Sandy and Gwen sometimes stop by, but Silas is a bit too much to handle when they’re there. He acts all tough and rude. So they tend to just pop over to my work when they can, and sit at the bar while I work. They regale me of all the gossip and it gives me both entertainment and heartburn.
I admit to feeling an intense amount of jealousy regarding the differences in our lives.
I’m up early doing laundry, vacuuming and cleaning my house. I’m also making lunches, dinner and trying to keep a volatile young man in line.
They’re studying things I find interesting, going out and partying... and getting laid!
I fucking hope this is all worth it in the end!
...July ...
“I’m cold; can I climb in with you?” Silas asks from my bedroom door.
“Okay, bring your quilt in too.” I say. It is cold, and we’ve been putting off using the heating because of the expense.
Silas comes back in dragging his quilt. He’s piloting his way through the house now without any crutches, and although he’s not running around, he’s doing really well. His physiotherapist has had him swimming laps to build up his strength, and he loves the return to the pool; I wasn’t enjoying the expense of taking him every day, so I bought us season tickets, and now I swim too, every day after work.
Silas settles himself in and turns to give me one of his bone crushing hugs.
“I love you Jade.” He says.
“I love you too, Silas.” I reply ; it’s moments like these that make this bullshit worthwhile.
...August...
“Happy Birthday! You’re officially a teenager!” I enthuse, jumping on Silas’ bed and giving him a big hug by lying on top of him. I’ve let him sleep in; it’s mid morning already, and it’s August 17, and Silas is turning 13. It’s a school day, but I’m taking the day off to take him out.
“What’s happy about it?” he murmurs. It’s one of those moments, when you’re caught in between being super happy and incredibly miserable. I’m happy that he’s having a birthday ; but it’s the first birthday where Mum isn’t baking a cake for him... when Dad isn’t taking him fishing in the freezing Armidale conditions... when I’ve had to give him less than what he’d normally have because I just can’t afford the things that my parents could.
The inheritance is pretty substantial. The house is sold and my parents had some decent savings and life insurance; but unfortunately for us, it said in their Wills that although the money is split equally after their assets are liquidated (bar the furniture and contents of course); we are not allowed to access it till we are 25. So the money sits in trust gathering interest, while I work my arse off to give Silas whatever I can.
I’m sure my parents couldn’t foresee what this would mean, because they wouldn’t have thought they’d die before we were well into adulthood, but the inconvenience of it is debilitating. I guess they thought that until we were 25, we might waste our inheritance. I just wish they could’ve reasoned that their parents wouldn’t take over our care, and see that I was responsible enough to do the right thing.
“Well, I’m going to take you to lunch, and then we’ll go and do anything you want! Do you want to go to Sydney and see a movie at the IMAX? Tomorrow’s Saturday ; so we can stay out as long as you want!” I reason.
He shrugs noncommittally ; I take it as a yes, and I’m glad that at least he isn’t shouting at me and pushing me away like he frequently does. It makes the prospects for today as it stands... possibly good!
...December...
I ’ve decided to forgive my
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