A Most Desirable Marriage Read Online Free PDF Page B

was no consolation.
    Jo could tell that Cassie was nervous about seeing her for the first time since Lawrence’s news.
    ‘Do you and Dad talk?’ her daughter asked in a low whisper, as soon as they were seated at the back of the Ilfracombe bus.
    ‘Not for weeks. I asked him not to ring. Although he keeps leaving messages.’
    ‘He’s sent me loads. Texts
and
voicemail. But I haven’t called him since he told me.’
    ‘You should, darling.’
    ‘Mum! Dad has left you – and us – so he can shag a bloke. Why should any of us speak to him again,
ever
?’
    Jo wished everyone would stop pointing this out. Did they think the horrible fact had somehow escaped her?
    Cassie’s voice had risen, but the three other people on the bus didn’t even twitch, they seemed to take no interest whatsoever. Perhaps it was standard practice in north Devon.
    ‘Whatever he’s done he’s still your father. You don’t want to lose touch.’
    Cassie was silent for a moment. Jo knew how hurt she must be. She idolized Lawrence.
    ‘That’s what Matt keeps telling me, but I don’t know how to talk to him . . . what to say. And the longer I leave it, the worse it gets.’ Jo heard the stubborn note in her daughter’s voice.
    ‘Believe me, I understand, darling. But it’s almost harder for you and Nicky than it is for me.’
    Cassie shot her a bewildered glance. ‘Uh,
no
, Mum. I don’t think so.
Your
life has been turned upside down.’ She sighed. ‘I’m just embarrassed . . . for him as much as myself.’
    ‘My life hasn’t really changed.’
    Now her daughter’s look was astonished. ‘How can you say that?’
    She shrugged. ‘Well it hasn’t. The only difference is that your dad doesn’t come home any more.’
    ‘And that’s not relevant?’ Cassie grabbed Jo’s bag. ‘This is our stop.’
    *
    Joanna was up early the next morning. The day was cloudy and still. It wasn’t the chickens or the thin futon that had kept her awake this time. Still dressed in pyjamas, she put on her daughter’s wellington boots and wandered outside, taking long, deep breaths of the clean air, heavy with impending rain. She missed the country, but Lawrence had a horror of anywhere without people and a pavement and they’d rarely spent much time out of cities, except on a beach, which didn’t seem to panic him in the same way as green rolling hills.
    Jo went over to lean on the fence that supported Moby’s pen. The pig was an Oxford Sandy and Black, a breed which even had its own pig society – set up, according to Matt, to get it recognized as a true rare breed. Moby was pretty, with his light sandy coat and black blotches, his lop ears almost covering his eyes. He snuffled over to Jo and stared up at her with his buried black eyes. ‘They’ll never eat you, will they?’ she asked softly. But the pig was clearly unconcerned by her question and wandered off, riffling the mud with his snout as he went.
    She looked round for Matt. She’d heard him get up and go out hours ago. Matt was always happier outside. After a short while in the house, he would just wander over to the hooks on the wall by the door and collect his anorak, pull on his battered striped beanie without a word, as if he’d been programmed. Cassie would ask ‘Where are you going?’ but his answer was always vague. Jo thought he’d probably gone for a ride now – bikes were his only hobby outside his eco-obsession – and she was glad she didn’t have to face him yet.
    There had been an argument the night before. Nothing serious, but they’d all had quite a lot to drink – Jo had brought a good supply of wine with her – and she knew she was doing it, pushing Matt’s buttons. She found herself almost enjoying it. But it was Cassie, of course, who’d been upset and the guilt had stopped Jo sleeping. There was something about her situation at the moment – a sort of pity badge – that seemed to give her licence to behave badly. And with her son-in-law it was