A Blackbird In Darkness (Book 2) Read Online Free PDF Page A

have–’ Medrian broke off, biting her lip. ‘You asked me to talk with you, but I don’t know whether I can. I’m so unused to being able to speak freely. It’s difficult.’
    ‘Then there’s no need, if you don’t wish it,’ the Lady responded gently. ‘Let us just walk for a while.’
    They went on in silence. Soft mist swirled around them, attaching to their skin in glistening azure motes, like dew. Their hair – the Lady’s silken brown, Medrian’s black – floated in the charged air, full of blue sparks. The Lady had faith that Medrian would, eventually, find words to release the misery that she’d kept locked within her for so long.
    This time on H’tebhmella may be the only happiness she will ever know, the Lady thought sorrowfully, but while she is here no consolation, no joy will be denied her.
    Medrian, however, had no expectation that confiding in the Lady would help her. Kind and wise as the H’tebhmellian goddess was, she was not mortal. She glided through the weird landscape at Medrian’s side, tall, beautiful, crystalline… and so distant. There was a gulf between them, no human warmth. I cannot bear this alien beauty, Medrian thought. It can’t be real.
    Without knowing it, she had discovered H’tebhmella’s paradox. The Blue Plane was viewed as a kind of paradise, enigmatic and unattainable. Some strove for years to find an Entrance Point, and the few who succeeded found it all they had dreamed of, and more. Yet no one ever stayed here for more than a few months. The H’tebhmellians never forbade anyone from living out their lives here, but perhaps the Blue Plane was too perfect, its unearthly beauty too alien. Sooner or later each visitor would feel a restless need to return to a more normal, spherical world. For that reason H’tebhmella remained literally unattainable, and so its legendary enigma was perpetuated.
    As the initial relief of arriving here faded, Medrian was assailed by self-doubt and indecision. These were enemies she had never had to fight before and she was afraid. To lose the battle would destroy her. She ached to ask the Lady many things, but she could not seem to frame a question.
    ‘Won’t you tell me what’s in your heart?’ the Lady murmured.
    ‘I don’t know. I would, but–’ With sudden, heartfelt bitterness the confession burst from her, ‘Oh, I wish I had never come here.’
    The Lady turned to her, a puzzled look on her clear, compassionate face. ‘Medrian, why?’
    ‘All my life I have dreamed of being free of the Serpent.’ Her voice was icy and flat. ‘I know it’s said that M’gulfn cannot touch the Blue Plane in any form, but I could hardly believe it when I came through the Entrance Point – and I was free. I still can’t believe it – it feels so–’ She shuddered with remembered dread and revulsion. ‘It’s heaven to me. And I can’t stand it.’
    The Lady’s rain-grey eyes were full of sorrow as Medrian went on, her voice hoarse with loss, ‘It’s heaven I can never have. I can’t afford to let it touch me, any more than I can afford to let the Serpent touch me. I must harden myself to it, so that I can bear to go back into the world and finish the Quest. If I accepted freedom, I would be finished.’
    ‘Medrian, you must not doubt your strength,’ the Lady said gently. ‘If you accept the small amount of comfort we can give you here, I believe it will increase your strength, not undermine it.’
    ‘When there’s no hope, how can there be any comfort?’ Medrian exclaimed savagely. ‘I’m sorry, my Lady. It’s selfish to think only of my own hope – I forsook that many years ago. I have received healing here, and without H’tebhmella the world would have no hope at all. But no one can help me. Not even you. I’ve accepted it.’
    The Lady felt inwardly stilled, almost stunned, as though the very fabric of the Blue Plane had shifted beneath her feet. What a fool I have been, she reflected. I thought I knew