7 A Tasteful Crime Read Online Free PDF Page A

it. I’ve still got indigestion from that leek thing.’
    ‘Considering it was all flung together at the last minute,’ said Charlie, ‘they were lucky to get the giant apple. And all the costumes.’
    ‘Costumes? People in fancy dress?’ Jock wondered if it was too late to emigrate.
    ‘It’ll be a good laugh, anyway,’ said Dave, the eternal optimist. ‘Apart from the cooking competition. That’ll be deadly serious. Wooden spoons at twenty paces.’
    He chuckled to himself, evidently looking forward to the whole event. It’ll be a different story when Jemima fails the kitchen hygiene test, thought Jock sourly.
    ‘Who’s going to drive the apple?’ he said.
    ‘I wanted to, but they said they already had somebody,’ said Dave.
    Charlie and Jock looked at each other, but didn’t say anything. Dave’s driving was notorious for miles around. Jock found the idea of him thundering down Pitkirtly High Street in charge of a giant apple extremely frightening.
    ‘They’re not expecting everybody else to dress up, are they?’ said Jock suspiciously.
    ‘Of course not,’ said Charlie. ‘They’ll need people to go and watch as well. And take pictures on their mobiles and upload them to Facebook.’
    ‘I don’t believe in Facebook,’ said Jock.
    ‘Do you mean you don’t believe it exists at all, or you don’t believe in using it?’ said Charlie.
    ‘What do you think?’ said Jock, taking his pint and marching off with it.
    Dave picked up the women’s drinks and followed.
    ‘Charlie must be getting desperate. He’s started trying to make conversations about Facebook,’ said Jock, back at the table.
    ‘What’s Facebook?’ said Dave. Jock couldn’t work out whether he was joking or not.
    ‘Do you know anybody who’s going to be in this healthy eating parade?’ he asked Jemima.
    She shook her head. ‘Schoolchildren, I think. Dressed up as fruit and vegetables, poor wee things. The Council have organised it. Christopher knows all about it. He says they’re pretending they always wanted Pitkirtly to be the healthy eating town of West Fife.’
    ‘They’ve never shown any sign of wanting that before,’ said Jock, taking a slurp of Old Pictish Brew.
    ‘I hope they’ve persuaded the chip shop not to sell those deep-fried caramel wafers while the TV crew’s about,’ said Dave with his deep laugh.
    ‘There’s going to be riots in the streets if they have,’ said Jock.
    ‘It could be worse,’ said Tricia. ‘But I must admit I’m getting quite nervous about all this. I never thought I’d be on TV. Specially cooking. I’ve never had any proper lessons.... Do you think there’s time to get our hair done, Jemima?’
    Jemima patted her grey curls. ‘I had a perm two weeks ago. I’ll be fine like this.’ She looked at Tricia with a critical eye. ‘Maybe that new mobile hairdresser could fit you in. What does she call herself? Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow? It’s some silly kind of name like that anyway.’
    ‘I just wish we’d had a bit more notice,’ said Tricia. ‘I can understand about Blair Atholl dropping out like they did – not everybody would want their kitchen to be seen by the viewing millions. But why didn't the TV people have a backup place in mind?’
    ‘They did,’ said Jemima. ‘ Only it turned out not to exist. Except in somebody’s imagination. Nobody knows yet whose fault it was, but they’ll be in trouble when some of the high-ups find out.’
    ‘You mean somebody in the TV company invented a place?’ said Tricia, wide-eyed. ‘Didn’t they ever think they’d get found out?’
    ‘The best-laid plans…’ said Jemima, shaking her head. ‘Anyway, I think it’s going to be a great thing for the town. We’ll be famous.’
    ‘More like notorious, if somebody gets poisoned by Penelope Johnstone,’ said Jock, laughing. He saw Tricia’s disapproving look, and changed tack. ‘Or run over by the big green apple.’
    ‘It isn’t green, it’s red,’ said Dave.