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It was nice to take a day off. I settled on an old Bogart
movie. I preferred black and white movies these days because then I
didn’t feel like I was missing anything.
    At about four, the doorbell rang. I nearly opened
it, but suddenly my arms filled with goose bumps as I thought about
my dream and that dead old guy. I looked through the peephole.
    “Jesse!” I shouted. I flung the door open and threw
my arms around him. I knew I was overreacting, but it really was
great to see him. He just laughed.
    “Take it easy, Craigers! It’s only been like a few
hours since I saw you last,” he said. He was dressed in snow
clothes so I knew where he’d been. I got him a soda as he slid out
of his ski jacket and boots.
    “Kate left a weird message, said you were home and
wanted me to check up on you. Feeling okay?”
    We sat at the table.
    “I’m good,” I said. I told him about the migraine,
going to the ER, and seeing Dr. Mortimer.
    “How was the snow?” I asked.
    “Oh, man! Perfect!” he said.
    Jesse seemed to be a little checked out of school
this year so far, and I was hoping it didn’t have anything to do
with me. He never would have ditched to snowboard last year. I knew
he would be able to keep up on his grades, but I also knew that the
basketball coach had a strict policy about missing practices, even
off-season.
    “I know what you’re thinking, Craigers, and you
don’t have to worry,” he said. “Basketball practice is just
starting. So relax. Anyway, the snow was incredible! I think you
should really think about getting back out there.”
    “Stop nagging, dude,” I said. “I’m not quite ready
to fly down mountains yet.”
    “Maybe that’s exactly what you need. It will cheer
you up,” he said, tugging at his hat.
    I paused. Lately he had been saying things like that
a lot and it made me wonder if I was just walking around like a
giant depressed freak.
    “You think I need cheering up?” I asked.
    “Just a little,” he said.
    I stared at him and could feel those crazy emotions
swirling around in my gut. His eyes sparkled. I tried to remember
what color they were, but couldn’t. I wanted to say something, but
I wasn’t sure how it would turn out.
    “Jesse,” I said. “What color are your eyes?”
    “What color do they look to you?”
    “Light gray,” I said, staring at them. “With little
black flecks. But I can’t remember the color.”
    “They’re whatever you see now, Craigers,” he
said.
    I knew I should stop there. But I didn’t.
    “I still remember that night. You know, the one when
we were looking at the stars?”
    This wasn’t how I wanted to start it. Bad beginning,
especially when I saw his face turn pale and his eyes fall to the
floor.
    “Yeah, I won’t ever forget that,” he said.
    My stomach was in knots. Big knots. I wanted to
hurl. But I needed to push ahead, at the very least let him know
that I was wrong about everything that night.
    “I can’t seem to erase that stupid scene from my
mind and I wanted you to know how sorry I am about what I
said.”
    He sat back in the chair and was quiet.
    “You shouldn’t be sorry for your feelings,” he
finally said.
    “But, Jesse, look, I…”
    But he wouldn’t let me finish. He jumped up.
    “I gotta get going,” he said. “It’s not a bad thing,
what happened. Really. It turned out for the best. You were
right.”
    “But Jesse, my feelings have changed, I love
you…”
    I blurted it out as I walked up to him. I sounded
stupid and desperate, I knew that. But I had to say it no matter
how dumb it made me feel.
    He shook his head and finished putting on his boots.
I cautiously walked closer. I knew he still loved me, I could feel
it. He gave me a quick hug and then pulled back.
    “I’m sorry Abby, but it’s too late,” he said. Then
he left. My stomach dropped as I watched him walk down the
street.
    By the time Kate returned from work, I had stopped
crying. But it had taken an hour to get my emotions back in