Zombie Tales: Primrose Court Apt. 205 Read Online Free PDF

the point of bordering on harassment. Like I got
nothing better to do than beg dumb chicks for sex, so much for
being the nice guy.
    So that day was much like any other. I enter
the men's room at the end of the hall to do my business with my
copy of USA Today under my arm; well truth be told it wasn't
my copy; I didn't actually have a subscription. I routinely stole
the copy from the waiting area, but who cares? Who really expects
to have up-to-date reading material when they’re sitting in a
waiting area anyway?
    My usual stall was empty, thank God. This
restroom only had three stalls, two the size of my linen closet and
one fit for a king. It was the handicapped stall of course, set
aside by society for those less fortunate. But being as there were
no employees on our floor confined to a wheelchair, what was the
harm in me staking claim.
    I settled in. I'll spare you all the
embracing details, but suffice to say, I visited my local Mexican
restaurant the previous night. I didn't eat there, mind you; I
can't stand the ethnic music they play and watching all the white
patrons attempt to apply what they remember from high school
Spanish class is enough to turn my stomach. I ordered to go and
went home to watch Jersey Shore.
    I know, I know; what kind of single young
professional would waste a Tuesday evening watching Jersey Shore? I
watch it like some might watch a disaster movie. The people
portrayed on that show are shining examples of everything I find
wrong with America today.
    It was just another bunch of self centered
shallow kids cashing in on their fifteen minutes of fame. Not one
of them took the time to learn about their heritage.
    And fuck their heritage anyway. Mussolini
sided with Hitler in World War Two, didn’t he? How the fuck did
Italy get off so easy on that one? As far as I'm concerned, Italian
Americans in the 21 st century are a joke. They think
they can embrace the word 'Guido' like the blacks embraced the word
'Nigga' and everything is going to be alright. Why shouldn’t those
kids have to go find jobs and work for a living? America's fixation
on the blacks pretty much ended when Bill Cosby retired, but this
new fixation on Italians made me question what this country is all
about. Don't even get me started on the Kardashians.
    I dropped trou and parked my behind on the
elongated toilet with the horseshoe shaped seat to do my business.
I really don't understand why the commercial toilet industry thinks
that cutting six inches out of the front of the seat is going to
work. Anyone willing to piss on a toilet seat isn't going to limit
themselves to that small space missing from the front and the few
shlubs that would have lifted the seat think they don't have to
because the seat has that gap. So they do their best to stand
directly in front of the gap to do their business. Of course, more
often than not they defile some part of the seat, whether it’s due
to inattention, or a lack of respect for the future users.
    When was the last time you dribbled a few
drops on a public toilet seat and took the time to clean up after
yourself with a few squares of toilet paper? Not fuckin' likely.
That's why I bring an individually wrapped Lysol wipe with me every
day. Then I lay down the recycled paper seat cover, recycled from
what? I don't even want to know.
    The article I'm stuck reading is a fluff
piece, just more Obama propaganda about how the Democrats could
pull us out of the recession if the Republican Party would just
work with them. I figured at some point the shock of being the
first African American in the White House would wear off and Obama
would get down to business, how wrong I was. He talks a good game,
he wouldn't have been elected otherwise, but I feel like I wasted
my vote. Maybe Hilary was a chump for staying with Bill, but in
hindsight, she probably could have brought more to the Presidency.
With Bill as the First Husband, it would have been like two
Presidents for the price of one.
    The outer