Your Mother Was a Neanderthal Read Online Free PDF Page A

outside.
    Then I saw it.
    Caa, the cat, was crouched next to a tree not thirty feet away. Fred was right. This was no cat. This was five hundred pounds of muscle, big claws, and long, sharp saber teeth. And it was staring at us like we were its next breakfast snack.
    I turned into a statue. I couldn’t get my muscles to move. My throat dried up and refused to push any air to my straw.
    Sam crawled around under the fur honking, yelling, and trying to find a spot to poke his head out.

    The giant cat laid his ears back just like I’ve seen my cat do before he pounces. Fred blew his straw and waved one fur covered arm. The cat lowered into a crouch. I squeaked and waved one arm. The cat was just about to jump, when Sam found an opening and poked his head out next to our feet. He blew one piercing straw honk.
    The surprised cat jumped straight up and kind of half flipped backward in midair. A two-headed beast was one thing. But a two-headed beast suddenly growing another head was something not to be messed with.
    The cat gave us one last look, then took off into the woods.
    We threw off the smelly fur and jumped around tooting our straws and slapping high fives. Duh and his caveguys peeked out of the pit.
    “Come on out and breathe the fresh air, Duh,” said Fred. “The three-headed, one-horned honker beast has won!”
    “Caa?” asked Duh.
    “Caa voom,” said Fred.
    It felt so good to be alive and out of the smelly pit. We all laughed and hopped around like crazy men.
    Duh slowly crawled out, checking all around him. The rest of the men followed him. They all stood blinking in the sunlight, not quite sure what to do.
    “So much for point C,” said Sam. “But perhaps we should consider a way to reach our ultimate goal, point B, without returning to point D for E.”
    Duh, the cavemen, and Fred looked at Sam like he was crazy.
    I translated. “He’s glad we got rid of the cat, but he doesn’t want to go back to the cave to look for the cave painting.”
    “Come on, you chicken,” said Fred. “If we all march to the cave we can take on Ma.”
    The caveguys suddenly got very wide-eyed and quiet.
    “You guys look like you saw a ghost,” said Fred. “All I said was Ma.”
    Three guys dove back under the log pile.
    “Ug Ma,” said Duh. “Ug Ma.” He held his hands up like claws and showed his teeth.
    “Ah, that’s just a bearskin and a head. Just like the dinosaur head,” said Fred. “I’m not afraid of those fakes.”
    Duh shook his head. “Ma.”
    “I don’t know,” said Sam. “Maybe Duh knows something we don’t know.”
    “They probably have the cave painting, and they definitely have my hat,” said Fred. “So let’s go. »
    “Let’s not and say we did,” said Sam. “Maybe we can make our own Book.”
    I looked at the scrawny bunch of caveguys blinking in the sunlight. “These guys are our ancestors. And they don’t know anything about fire, clothing, or shelter. The women have figured out all that stuff. Even if we don’t find a cave painting or The Book, we should at least get the men and women together. Otherwise we might not have a human future to go back to.”
    “Excellent point,” said Sam. “In the interest of survival of the species, I guess we should get these guys out of their pit and help them meet a few girls. But how are we ever going to get these prehistoric nerds to help? They’ll run away if you even say ‘Boo.’ ”
    “You’re right,” said Fred. “But what if we said something else?’ Fred jumped up on a stump. “Okay, caveguys, listen up. We are going to the cave. You are coming to help us.”
    “Very convincing,” said Sam. “They look real interested.”
    “But what’s in it for you?” said Fred. “Boog.”
    The men looked up.
    “Lots of boog. Bit heaping piles of boog. Squirming, stinking mountains of boog. All the boog you can eat.” Fred pointed toward the volcano. “Onward to boog, men!”
    The men milled around. They looked at Fred. They