Yellow Crocus Read Online Free PDF Page A

the back for us to use. I don’ see many people, just Emily, that skinny, high-yellow girl, Mrs. Ann, she Miss Elizabeth’s mama, Mrs. Gray, she always tell me what I supposed to do, and, of course, Miss Elizabeth. She a pretty good baby. Don’ get me wrong, she not so dear as my Samuel here,” she said as she bounced him up and down on her knees, “but she a good eater and she don’ cry much.”
    Mattie pointed. “See that window there? The one on the corner up highest from the ground? I think that Miss Elizabeth’s room. I watch out of it when I get the chance.”
    “You see us?” Poppy asked.
    “Mm hm. I see you carrying Samuel to Rebecca and coming in from the fields and such.”
    Poppy nodded his head. “Good to know where you at. I gonna stop and wave from now on. Just in case you there.”
    “I gonna be waving back. Even if you don’ see me. Every mornin’ and every evenin’ I stand there watchin’ you all. Samuel look like he pretty happy,” Mattie ventured.
    Rebecca jumped in. “Confused at first. But now he used to it. I sing to him. That helps.”
    “He sleeping all right?” Mattie wondered.
    “He a real good sleeper,” Poppy said. “Hardly ever get me up.”
    “Cook says Mrs. Ann gonna try at havin’ another one. That true?” Rebecca asked.
    “That what I hear. They got her eatin’ meat at all her meals. Massa be wantin’ a son, just like most men folk.”
    “Guess they gonna be keepin’ you busy for a while.”
    Mattie sighed. “I wanna finish up with Miss Elizabeth, be done with the Big House, but I gonna be doin’ whatever Mrs. Gray tells me. I s’pose they gonna have me feed this next one. I hopin’ for a boy too. Maybe they send me back out if they done with the babies.”
    “Bet you likin’ all the food and fancy clothes,” someone declared.
    That got Mattie angry. With heat in her voice she replied, “The food good, the clothes nice, but I rather be out here with Samuel.”
    At the sound of his name Samuel fussed and reached for Rebecca. Mattie’s heart skipped a beat because she suspected he was hungry. She wanted to be the one to feed him while she could, while she was here, but she was afraid he might refuse her. Samuel twisted hard away from her to get to Rebecca. Mattie looked at Rebecca, uncertain what to do, her unspoken question written on her face.
    “Go ahead. You offer it to him. That all you can do,” Rebecca said gently. “Take him somewhere private. Where he ain’t gonna see me.”
    Mattie carried Samuel inside the cabin. She lowered herself onto a hard pallet and slowly undid the top buttons of her dress and pulled the fabric aside. Then Mattie laid Samuel across her lap, tucked his right arm behind her waist and pulled him toward her left breast. He arched his back, jerked his head away, and scrunched up his face in preparation to let out a wail.
    “You okay,” Mattie said gently, “I got the good stuff too. You used to love it right here.”
    Samuel stopped protesting when Mattie spoke. She rubbed the back of his head and leaned over to kiss his forehead. “We got time.”
    She gazed into his eyes, rocked back and forth, and sang to him:
Go to sleepy little baby
Go to sleepy little baby
Your momma’s gone away and your daddy’s gone to stay
Didn’t leave nobody but the baby
     
    Eventually Samuel relaxed. Mattie cautiously, slowly brought his head toward her breast. He parted his lips a little. She squirted a bit of milk into his mouth. He licked his lips, smiled up at her, and opened his mouth. She gently placed her nipple into his waiting mouth. His body tensed, but he didn’t pull back. She squeezed her breast to bring out more milk. Samuel licked her nipple. She did it again and he licked some more. They sat frozen, her breast against his mouth, with him neither pulling away nor latching on. Mattie held her breath and said a prayer, “Please God, give me this.”
    She inhaled slowly and calmly breathed out. Tenderly she rubbed the