World of Glass Read Online Free PDF Page A

knees. He wears no shoes. Snoring sounds come from deep within. His lips tremble lightly. His arms rest on a faded blue packsack crushed against his chest. A frail woman weeps uncontrollably. Her hands cover her face. She is facing the off-white wall. What is she crying about? I wonder. I want to go up to her, but instead I turn my head the other way. I am nervous. Always nervous. I want to get out! I want out! Betty walks up to me and hands me another pill.
    â€œYou’re talking to yourself again.”
    â€œWhat is it?” I point to the pill.
    â€œRisperdal. To calm you down. Your bed is at the end of the corridor to your left,” she says.
    I go to the washroom and sit on the toilet. I pee and wipe myself with toilet paper. I am bleeding. I roll the tissue around my fingers then place it between my legs, flush, pull my pants up, wash my hands and go out to the corridor and walk over to the first nurse I see.
    â€œCould I have a sanitary napkin?”
    â€œHold on.” She disappears down the hall for a few minutes, then comes back holding a dirty, dry cloth that smells of Ajax.
    â€œHere,” she says. I take the cloth into the washroom and throw it into the garbage. I lower my buttocks onto the cold toilet seat and break down in tears. I will have to make do with bathroom tissue.
    I put my cigarette out in an ash stand brimming with butts. An orderly escorts me along the long hall. The men’s rooms are to the right. The orderly stops in front of a door, opens it, grins. There are two men sitting on beds, facing each other with their pants down, masturbating. I look away. I take a deep breath. The orderly closes the door. I follow him but do not feel safe. He opens the last door along the hall with a key. “This one’s yours,” he says as he points to a single bed by the wall. He leaves, his face expressionless. There are six beds in the room, but there is only one woman sleeping. She snores. The Risperdal makes me sleepy. I slip under the covers, close my eyes. I cannot sleep. I shake. The woman’s snores are loud. I put the pillow over my head and count to one hundred. Then I feel my body slowly fading.
    It is morning. An orderly opens the door and shouts, “Breakfast is served!” I put my feet onto the floor. I stand. I shuffle down the hall and into the cafeteria. The room is silent. We stand in line to pour ourselves bowls of Rice Krispies. I sit at a small table alone. I eat two spoonfuls of cereal, get up, pour myself a mug of black coffee. I leave the cafeteria to sit in the dayroom in the large orange rocking chair. I light a cigarette.
    I hear a human screech. It is the nurse. A young woman’s hand is covered in blood. She sobs and sobs. In her other hand, she holds a piece of sharp glass. “Where did you get this?” the nurse shouts. She wraps the bleeding wrist with gauze, gives her a pill and sends her to her room. I want to die, I say to myself. I want to die.
    â€œHere’s your medication,” another nurse says to me, holding pills and a paper cup. Her eyelids are powdered blue.She wears red lipstick and nylon stockings. There are deep creases on her forehead and she is frowning. “The doctor would like to see you. Follow me.” The nurse unlocks a large metal door, then another. We walk down a narrow hall. She knocks, then opens the door. A man, wearing a white smock, clean-shaven, with short silver hair, sits behind a wooden desk and opens a file. I sit in a chair facing him. My head is tilted to the ground. I imagine a brown mouse. Small and agitated.
    â€œHow are you feeling?” he says.
    â€œI have no energy,” I whisper.
    â€œSpeak louder.”
    I take a deep breath and pause.
    â€œThese drugs numb my head. All I can do is sleep. Could you reduce the dose?”
    â€œThey take away the psychosis. Do you still have fears?”
    â€œThis place frightens me. I want to get out.”
    â€œWe decide when