Woman on Fire Read Online Free PDF Page A

needs, wants, and desires without blame or shame
Set clear boundaries and identify and experience their wants and desires without crossing the boundaries of others
Accept rejection without taking it personally
Express a range of emotions in healthy ways that do not harm themselves or others
Identify defensive patterns in relationships and work to overcome them by replacing the patterns with healthy ways of connecting to others
Minimize the need to be competitive with others and release patterns of lack, deprivation, or feelings that they can’t have what others have
Our Relationship with Our Culture
    PEOPLE WHO ARE AUTHENTICALLY SEXUALLY EMPOWERED:
Critically examine cultural messages about sexuality, gender, and sex
Reject and challenge sexual stereotypes, assumptions, false ideas, and cultural myths that hinder, impair, squash, or dim their sovereign sexuality
Identify and experience erotic authenticity even when social pressure or popular ideas push them to do or like something else
Examine how the values and beliefs of their culture impact their personal experience of gender, sexuality, and power

    It may feel like a tall order. Do not be overwhelmed—be inspired! Your sexuality is vast. There are many parts of it, and different aspects of your sexual self will be prominent at different stages of your life. That’s the good news. You never need to stop growing as a sexual person, or forsake your sexuality for security, a relationship, a new phase of life, or for any other reason. There is always more to learn, room to grow, and a choice to experience your life
now.
    Sexual empowerment is a way of living life fully, with passion and creativity, and in deep love. We are meant to be expansive as sexual and creative beings, and many gender roles and other expectations limit and diminish our expansiveness. Subscribing to limiting roles is the opposite of empowerment. Breaking roles and rules to be who we really are will bring us to an authentically powerful place.
    In this book we are going to talk about the things on the above list and why they are important. We are also going to address what gets in the way of having the sexually empowered life you deeply desire and deserve. We are going to talk about sex and how to create a fulfilling sexual life. And know that when I talk about “sex,” I am not saying intercourse—they are not synonymous. Intercourse is one form ofsex, and there are many more ways to have sex. I’m talking about the whole pie. The enchilada with the sauce and the guacamole.
TOOLS FOR BUILDING THE FIRE
    Sexual empowerment is not only for people who are having sex or want to have sex. Whether you are in a heterosexual marriage or several relationships at once; identify as heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer; are young or old; are asexual; are celibate; or pay for sex, you are a sexual person who can experience sexual empowerment. Your core energy is sexual energy. You do not leave your sexuality at home because it doesn’t match today’s outfit, you are having a night out with your girlfriends, or because you don’t have a sex date planned.
    No matter who you are, there are means of support we all need on this journey if we are committed to our fullest sexual expression and expansion:
    RESOURCES —Everyone needs accurate resources about sexuality. Books, honest information, websites, and places you can go to get the support you need for your sexual journey. This book is one such resource.
    SKILL BUILDING —Remember, sex requires skills. You have got to
learn
skills. And how do you get better at them? Practice. There is much to say about sexual skills, and we’ll discuss this in depth in chapter 9.
    TEACHERS/EDUCATION —You deserve educators who have studied sex and can share information to help you grow and understand the things that confuse you about sexuality. Teachers can be both formal and informal. Some of my greatest teachers were