Woman of the Dead Read Online Free PDF Page A

nothing any more. All that was loud is silent again, as if nothing had happened. A fine day is beginning, the sun is shining. Mark lies in her arms. Blum screams.
    Long and loud. For minutes on end her voice rises above the road. She pleads, she begs, her mouth opens and closes. Her upper body rocks forward, rocks back, Mark’s head is in her lap, blood everywhere. Tears everywhere, running down her cheeks, splashing him, wanting him to move, to breathe, to say something. She has taken off his helmet, she holds his face in her hands, she looks at him, looks into his empty eyes, she howls, she whimpers, she strokes his hair again and again with the palm of her hand. Everything is blood, everything is broken, nothing is whole any more.
    Reza calls the emergency numbers, an ambulance, the police. He is running around in circles like a frightened animal, he doesn’t know what to do, how to help, there is no way out. Staring neighbours, horrified faces, no one can help. No one can bring Mark back. Five minutes ago everything was all right, five minutes ago there was still life, and now there’s only death. It has knocked everything over and crushed it. Blum knows that there is no going back now. That he will never touch her again, that his fingers will be silent, his hands, his mouth. She knows this. She has seen death a thousand times, she has seen life departed, only a body, only skin going cold. There will be no more talk, no laughing, no one to protect her any more. Mark will not come back. Blum knows it, senses it, feels it. Feels it tearing at her heart, feels everything in her cut to pieces as she screams and screams. Because the pain is growing worse every second.
    Blum and Mark are in the middle of the road. The motorbike lies fifty metres away. Blum hears the children screaming too, they are crying, Blum sees Karl and Reza holding them back. They want to go to their father, they want to go to Blum, they can hear their mother. They hear how desperate she is. Police officers climb out of their car and paramedics drag her away. Blum’s fingers touch Mark one last time. The needle goes into her arm. They hold her, they press her down to the ground, she screams. Until suddenly it is warm, and the light goes out.

four
    She has slept for thirty-six hours. Again and again she was briefly awoken, again and again she forced her eyes to close. She didn’t want to come back to the light of day, to reality, didn’t want to feel anything, see anything, accept that it had really happened. Her sole wish was to sleep, immersing herself in the fog that made everything bearable. Blum turns over and goes back to sleep. She never wants to wake again. She wants to numb herself for days on end, for weeks. Not until Uma and Nela crawl into bed with her, and only when little hands begin stroking her cheek, does she come back.
    She senses the fear and desperation in their small fingers. She hears her children’s consoling words; they are trying to be strong, they want their mother back, they want her to get up and go on living.
Mama, you mustn’t be dead. Please get up, Mama. You must open your eyes, Mama. Please
. Nela’s voice. She wants to be cuddled, she wants Blum to dry her tears, she wants to be told that everything is all right. Those two magical little creatures don’t understand why their Papa isn’t there or why he was covered with blood or why he was taken away. They don’t want their world to collapse; they want to snuggle up to their mother, crawl into her, hide in her, be safe. They want to act as if everything were still the same. As if Mark were still there beside them. Breathing, smiling.
Mama, you must get up now. Please, you must. Grandpa won’t stop crying. We need you, Mama.
Their words sink far down into Blum. Their words tear Blum away from sleep and suddenly give her strength. She can’t lie here for another moment. With all her might, she sits up and comes back to life.
I’m not dead
, she