Wishing on a Blue Star Read Online Free PDF Page B

documented, though not everyone gets it. Weird that it’s more in the ribs and back than the hips as I expected so I cold be wrong, but it fits the descriptions.
    Now, with that understanding, (and understanding anything is always more of a comfort to me than some nice lady (or guy!) holding my hand) I can move on, get up off the track, and run a few more hurdles.
    Yep! I’ll crash into one again sooner or later, guaranteed. We’re in for the long haul, baby!
    But when I do, I’ll warn folks that I’m going off line so as not to hurt THEM, do whatever I need to pick back up, and be profoundly grateful that the folks around me understand the situation.
    Yeah, that’s you guys!
     
    Thanks!!
    Patric

Wednesday, November 11, 2009
    Riding the Roller Coaster
     
    Wow. I’m a bit behind.
    Probably because there is nothing new to report, really. In preparation for my third chemo session, the doc confirmed my suspicion of doing all eight treatments, instead of the original six. Not getting as good a response as we were hoping for, I suppose. Which isnt all that surprising either. That’s why I adore my doctor, my hired cancer killer. He doesnt mind that I insist on keeping my eyes wide open and he *never* talks to me like I am four years old.
    In keeping with the roller coaster theme, I had some ups too. Writing a little bit after a long absence might be just a fluke, but I’m hanging on to it!
    But I have to tell you about the best up that was couched in the worst down.
    I’ve been pretty good at keeping a good outlook, but if I was the machine some think I am, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. Instead, I’m pretty much human and shit gets to me sometimes. A few weeks ago, I flat got tired of having nothing to say that wasnt negative in some way.
    One of my overriding concerns has been that I’d turn into someone who only existed for or because of their health issues. You know, the ones who can go on for days about all the things wrong with them? I get that, really, but I dont want to BE that, so in an effort to get a grip, I decided I was not going to use the words “I, me, or my” in any of my correspondence for the next twelve hours.
    Fuzzy though the logic might have been, that was a pretty effective stop to saying things like “Neulasta is making my bones ache.” or “I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams.” or anything else that sounded like whining when folks asked after my progress.
    Of course it never occurred to me to warn anyone, so for twelve hours, I had a number of people wondering why I was being such a dick. (I think)
    However, one exceptionally clever soul tumbled to the trick, and not only did she take it in stride, she joined in! Taylor Lochland touched me so deeply by simply hanging out and going for the ride on my bizarre roller coaster that I am still astonished even now.
    For the rest of the day we conversed as we often do, each of us avoiding those words, and for twelve hours or so, I wasnt sick anymore. Might only have been because the concentration needed to maintain a meaningful conversation without using those words is that much of a distraction, but I think it was more the simple fact that she wasnt trying to comfort or commiserate or anything. Just hang out and go with the flow, and that was enough to forget for a while.
    Believe me when I tell you that unless you’ve been here/there, you cannot fully grasp how invaluable that surcease truly is. Fingers crossed you never know. :)
    So in what was a total downer, I found a jewel of an upper, and the roller coaster kept right on rolling.
    As we wind our way through life and living, it’s pretty much a given that to really appreciate the highs you have to at least be aware of the lows. Sounds corny, but danged if it isnt true. Heres hoping your highs are just a bit higher each time you crest that hill. And here’s hoping you got a friend like Taylor sitting beside you.
    Taylor, thank you so much for hanging out,