Winter Longing Read Online Free PDF Page A

how I wish that.” He swallowed hard.
    “Can you tell what happened?” Mr. Kerr asked. “They said on the news the plane might have stalled.”
    Dad shook his head. “We don’t know. It’s possible the fog caused them to get too close to the mountain, then they tried to climb too quickly and lost their lift. The NTSB is up there now, but I don’t know how they could possibly figure it out.” He ran his hand back over his hair in a gesture I didn’t see from him often. He glanced at Jesse, pausing before deciding to continue. “We didn’t even find the bodies. We couldn’t tell if the fire consumed them or if the bears had beaten us there.”
    My hands slid away from where I’d been gripping the edge of the doorway. I stumbled as I turned, drawing everyone’s attention. I saw them move toward me in slow motion, Jesse the quickest. I barely heard Mom say my name before the world went black.
    “I wish I could draw like that,” Spencer said as he looked at my drawing of our art teacher, Mrs. Spiro.
    I liked how his compliment made me feel warm inside. I liked how he smiled at me.

CHAPTER 4
     
    Sunlight slanting into my room woke me. I wanted to scream. This brightness wasn’t right when I felt so lost, so dark.
    Somehow I’d gotten to my room. I realized I must have fainted, and that my dad had probably carried me to bed. I burrowed back under the covers and wished away the bright, shiny world outside. I cursed the sun, the expanse of blue sky, the clear air around the distant mountains. Why hadn’t they appeared for Spencer’s flight? Why only when it was too late to do any good?
    A fresh sob tumbled out of me, and I pressed my thick comforter against my eyes. I thought I was cried out, until I felt the bed dip behind me and realized it was Lindsay. She wrapped herself around me, and the two of us sobbed together.
    “I can’t believe he’s gone,” she whispered into my hair.
    I couldn’t find any words to respond. Nothing of me remained but tears and slashing pain. My only escape was the occasional descent into sleep.
    About mid-afternoon, I woke to find Lindsay no longer beside me. Still, I didn’t get out of bed. Instead, I reached out and nearly fumbled my cell phone off my nightstand onto the floor. I pulled it to me and flipped it open. I scrolled through the photos of Spencer behind the counter at Tundra Books, fishing pole in hand at the river, goofing off by flexing his biceps after making a home run in PE class.
    I ran my thumb across the screen and wished I could touch him for real, feel his arms around me again. Taste his kiss.
    I only stirred from the bed to go to the bathroom. Each time I returned, exhaustion claimed me. I kept thinking that maybe one of the times I’d just not wake up. Part of me hoped it would happen.
    Eventually, I couldn’t sleep or cry anymore. I stared at the waning daylight with dry, puffy eyes and a hollow soul. How was it possible that Spencer had been gone for only a day? It felt like so much longer.
    The door to my bedroom creaked open, and I recognized the sound of Mom’s steps as she approached my bed. She sat behind me and rubbed her hand gently over my messy, unwashed hair.
    “Winter, I’ve got dinner ready.”
    “I’m not hungry.” My voice sounded raw, like fate had sandpapered my vocal cords.
    “I know, honey. But you need to eat. You’ll make yourself sick.”
    “I don’t care.” How could I eat when all I wanted was to die?
    I heard her intake of breath. “Oh, don’t say that,” she said in a gentle, soothing tone.
    As fat, hot, salty drops spilled over yet again, anger bloomed violently within me. “It’s not fair!” I screamed. “I love him.”
    Mom turned me into her arms and rocked back and forth with me the way she had when I was little. She didn’t try to hide her own heartache.
    “Why, Mom? Why?”
    “I don’t know.” She kissed the top of my head. I heard in her pain that she couldn’t make this hurt go away for