Wilt on High Read Online Free PDF Page A

fridge.’
    ‘Idi Amin,’ said Wilt.
    ‘Never mind who. The fact remains that he was demonstrating a degree of racial bias that could get him prosecuted by the Race Relations Board and you had to tell Mr Scudd to go in and listen.’
    ‘How the hell was I to know what the Major was on about? The class was quiet and I had to warn the other lecturers that the sod was on his way. I mean if you choose to pitch up out of the blue with a bloke who’s got no official status …’
    ‘Official status?’ said the Principal. ‘I’ve already told you Mr Scudd just happens to be –’
    ‘Oh, I know all that and it still doesn’t add up. The point is he walks into my office with Mr Reading here, noses his way through the books on the shelf, and promptly accuses me of being an agent of the bleeding Comintern.’
    ‘And that’s another thing,’ said the Principal. ‘You deliberately left him with the impression that you use Lenin’s whatever it was called …’
    ‘ The State and Revolution ,’ said Wilt.
    ‘As teaching material with day-release apprentices. Am I right, Mr Reading?’
    The County Advisor nodded weakly. He still hadn’t recovered from those heads in the fridge or the subsequent visit to Nursery Nurses who had been deep in a discussion on the impossible and utterly horrifying topic of post-natal abortion for the physically handicapped. The bloody woman had been in favour of it.
    ‘And that’s just the beginning,’ continued the Principal, but Wilt had had enough.
    ‘The end,’ he said. ‘If he’d bothered to be polite, it might have been different but he wasn’t. And he wasn’t even observant enough to see that those Lenin books belong to the History Department, were stamped to that effect, and were covered with dust. To the best of my knowledge, they’ve been on that shelf ever since my office was changed and they used to use them for the A-level special subject on the Russian Revolution.’
    ‘Then why didn’t you tell him that?’
    ‘Because he didn’t ask. I don’t see why I should volunteer information to total strangers.’
    ‘What about Naked Lunch? You volunteered that all right,’ said the County Advisor.
    ‘Only because he asked for worse reading material and I couldn’t think of anything more foul.’
    ‘Thank the Lord for small mercies,’ murmured the Principal.
    ‘But you definitely stated that the teaching in your department is stuffed – yes, you definitely used the word “stuffed” – with political bias. I heard you myself,’ continued the County Advisor.
    ‘Quite right too,’ said Wilt. ‘Considering I’m lumbered with forty-nine members of staff, including part-timers, and all the teaching they ever do is to natter away to classes and keep them quiet for an hour, I should think their political opinions must cover the entire spectrum, wouldn’t you?’
    ‘That isn’t the impression you gave him.’
    ‘I’m not here to give impressions,’ said Wilt, ‘I’m a teacher as a matter of unquestionable fact, not a damned public-relations expert. All right, now I’ve got to take a class of Electronics Engineers for Mr Stott who’s away ill.’
    ‘What’s the matter with him?’ asked the Principal inadvertently.
    ‘Having another nervous breakdown. Understandably,’ said Wilt and left the room.
    Behind him the members of the Committee looked wanly at the door. ‘Do you really imagine this man Scudd will get the Minister to call for an enquiry?’ asked the Vice-Principal.
    ‘That’s what he told me,’ said the Advisor. ‘There are certain to be questions in the House after what he saw and heard. It wasn’t simply the sex that got his goat, though that was bad enough in all conscience. The man’sa Catholic and the emphasis on contraception –’
    ‘Don’t,’ whispered the Principal.
    ‘No, the thing that really upset him was being told to go and fuck himself by a drunken lout in Motor Mechanics Three. And Wilt, of course.’
    ‘Isn’t there