Will She Be Mine Read Online Free PDF Page A

like a reluctant outsider who is sometimes present at a function more out of a sense of duty than belonging.
    Something deep within told me that I should have helped my father more sincerely, in terms of sharing his mental and physical burden, and the exertion surrounding the enormous preparation for the ceremonies. I should have also tried to ease my mother's pains around the wedding arrangements. But I consoled myself that my college schedule and academic pressures didn’t permit me the luxury of fulfilling these responsibilities or running errands during the weddings at home.
    I carried a few textbooks and lecture notes along to justify my lack of interest in the family celebrations, and ostentatiously dug into them to prepare for the mid semester exams lurking around the corner after the weddings, while keeping a stealthy eye out for Shalini’s movements- but she didn’t take much interest in the weddings either and mostly kept out of sight, to my utter dismay.
    Both siblings in our family thus got married in quick succession- first my sister, followed by my brother. My sister's in-laws stayed at a nearby town, while my brother married into a business household in a distant city. After their marriage I was the only one who remained unmarried in our house, I thought with glee.
    I dreamily thought about my turn to marry next, and pondered about my future with Shalini. She seemed too cold about my interest in her. Didn’t she have any reciprocal feelings for me? There was still a lot of time to plan my moves to make her my own instead of feeling ignored. Till I heard from her directly that she didn’t wish to marry me, I wouldn’t give up. I couldn’t afford to get bogged down by dismaying thoughts about a future without her. There was hope still. This was the only life I knew, and I couldn’t afford to miss any opportunity to make her my life partner.

    Over time I had a suspicion my love story was getting too one sided. Did I alone harbor all the feelings of love? Did she feel nothing for me? Nothing short of an open admission of love from her side would satisfy me, or a clear denial that she wished to have nothing to do with me, in which case, of course, I’d die. I had to do something about the uncertainty urgently, otherwise spending the rest of my time in a distant hostel till my graduation would become impossible. Age old wisdom taught to fight poison with poison. The brave stood up against the brave, friends of the same feather flocked together, and so on. I too needed to work out a strategy.
    Hence, to combat my tremendous pull for her, I hit upon a philandering strategy and let my eyes rove the college campus. If I could come close to another girl on the campus, it might balance the push and pull on my mind for Shalini, save me a few trips home and also allow me to focus better on my studies. Besides helping to make up for my sinking grades, it would also create in her mind a sense of uncertainty over the sudden lack of my seriousness for her. For a change, she might start chasing me instead. The thought was intoxicating- but unlikely, or at least unbelievable at the present.
    Falling in love all over again, and finding a substitute for her right here in MSIT, was an exhilarating goal mixed with the melancholy of cheating on her. But was it cheating? It wasn’t, I decided. It was a strategy. She hadn’t committed anything to me yet. In a sense she’d invited her own misfortune and deserved it! She’d always acted oblivious of my feelings for her. As if I was dumb. My love for her had been a one way street so far for all practical purposes. It was time to change the game.
    The girls' hostel was a good place to hang out to achieve my objective. I was in for some disappointed though. On closer scrutiny, I found there were no lookers in my batch who took my fancy. To be fair, no girl compared in looks to my Shalini. The setback couldn’t shake me off so early and I decided to look a batch above or below to