Wickham's Diary Read Online Free PDF Page B

situation—although I suspect that he has a little opera dancer tucked away somewhere, for he visits a certain area of London more often than is necessary for a man in his position.
    And that is the thing about Fitzwilliam: he now seems like a man, whilst I still feel like a boy. I still see him, though, and we still get on well enough when we are together, which is fortunate, because it allows me to find out what is happening to Anne de Bourgh. Fitzwilliam talks about her with little interest, and I believe that Mama was right, he will not marry her. And if he does not, someone else will, and why should that someone not be me?

10th February 1791
    Mama wanted to know all about my friends at Cambridge when I went home for a few days. I was surprised to find her unwell, but as she lay on the sofa, I told her about the men of all types, the hard-riding countrymen with their well-worn boots and ill-fitting coats; the studious men with their abstracted air and their boots on the wrong feet; the wild men with their whoops and their drunkenness; and the dandies in their breeches that never wrinkle and their diamond tiepins.
    She asked me about Fitzwilliam, and if I was still friends with him, and what he did at Cambridge. I told her that he was aloof, that he did not mix freely with the other men, that he had no taste for the drunks or the countrymen, and that he was unimpressed with the dandies’ wealth. Mama said that she was not surprised, for he has seen far more ostentation at Leighford Castle, where he goes to stay with his Fitzwilliam cousins, than even Cambridge can muster.
    I have never been invited there, despite my best efforts, but I live in hope that I may one day cross the threshold. There are two daughters, both unmarried, and although their parents would not approve of me as a son-in-law, the daughters are, by all accounts, headstrong. And when has a parents’ disapproval ever stopped a headstrong girl from doing anything?

14th February 1791
    Fitzwilliam came to my lodgings this evening. He was bored, and he strode around the room like a tiger in a cage. I said as much and he turned to me and said, ‘Do you ever feel you are looking for something, George?’
    A rich wife, I thought, but I did not say it. It would not do to let Fitzwilliam know that I am hoping for an heiress, or he might think to keep Anne and Georgiana away from me. And he would definitely not persuade his cousins invite me to Leighford Castle.
    ‘No,’ I said. ‘Do you?’
    He drummed his fingers on the mantelpiece. ‘Yes.’
    ‘What?’ I asked.
    ‘I do not know,’ he said with a frown. ‘But I will know when I find it.’ He was thoughtful for a while and then he said, ‘Let us go out.’
    ‘Where?’
    ‘To my club.’
    ‘I am not a member.’
    ‘That can easily be remedied,’ he said. ‘My name will be enough to have you elected.’
    We went out together and I soon found myself in a respectable establishment, too respectable for my tastes, though not for my purposes. I looked around me, making a note of names and faces, for who knows when the men at the club might prove useful in some way?
    Fitzwilliam was still restless. He talked of his mother’s devotion, his father’s belief in him, his hopes for Cambridge, and his plans for the London house, but his mind was on none of it.
    He knew everyone at the club and he introduced me. Before long we were talking to half a dozen fellows of our own age and we were soon on our way to a party organised by one of them.
    When we arrived, I saw the way the women looked at Fitzwilliam and I thought, my mother was right, there is something about him that women find a challenge.
    But then I thought no more of Fitzwilliam, for we soon became separated and not all of the women wanted a challenge. Some of them wanted a man to tease them and flirt with them and I was happy to oblige them.

16th February 1791
    I found myself drinking with Peter de Quincy tonight. I have seen him often before