Why Aren't You Smiling? Read Online Free PDF Page B

Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths…” I let my voice trail off. It seemed like such a horrifically disproportionate punishment. I got teased every day and yet I’d never once wished bear mauling on my tormentors.
    Rick smiled. “That is so crazy!” I was momentarily relieved that Rick shared my opinion of the verse, but he continued, “We were just talking about how you didn’t need to have long hair to Love and be Loved, and here the Bible is telling us that even a bald man deserves Love.”
    â€œBut… like… the… like…” I tried to unscramble my brain. “I mean, the bears, mauling or whatever the youths is not so cool, I don’t think, is it?”
    â€œYou don’t have to take it literally,” suggested Rick. “Too many people get wrapped up in the text and forget the spirit. The spirit is Love.” He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder as he spoke.
    â€œI want to Love,” I said.
    â€œYou will, Leonard.”
    â€œMost of the time I don’t feel Love. I don’t feel anything.”
    â€œI feel like dancing,” said Rick. He stood up and began swaying to the beat of “Tangerine,” the only Led Zeppelin song I truly disliked. His eyes closed, and a confident, satisfied smile graced his lips, the color of which suddenly reminded me of candy apples.
    â€œWill you teach me to Love?” I immediately wanted to crawl out of my skin with shame. I sounded like the worst dork in all of human history.
    Rick stopped dancing. “I can’t teach Love, but I know someone who can.” I felt a bit peeved he was pawning the job off on someone else until I saw him get down on his knees and fold his hands in prayer. Oh, right… God. I assumed a prayerful position beside Rick on the floor.
    â€œWhat do we do now?” I asked.
    â€œTalk to God. Tell him what’s on your mind.”
    Since I didn’t actually believe in God, this would have to be something of a theoretical exercise, but then again, what could it hurt? I closed my eyes and directed my thoughts straight up, where I’d been given to understand the bearded, white robed, Christian deity sat, flanked by angels, on a golden throne atop a fluffy white cloud: God, this is Leonard, though I guess it’s stupid to introduce myself because if you exist you know everything, which kind of brings up the point of why should I even be talking to you since you already know what I’m going to say? But I guess I’ll just do it anyway. I’m praying because I don’t think I know how to Love. And when kids at school hit me and call me a fag, I don’t just not love them, I kind of hate them. A lot. Though I wouldn’t want to send them to Hell. Burning people just seems. evil. Even if they are evil, that’s pretty uncool. Like, when I burnt my hand on the stove when I was a kid, it really, really hurt for a long time. Making someone go through that all over their body forever seems pretty psycho. But here I am telling you how to run the universe when I should be asking for your help. I want to Love! Will you make me Love everyone? I mean, sure I love my parents and my dog, but you sort of have to love your family and pets, right? I’m not sure I love anything else though. Except Rick. He’s been really nice to me. I don’t think I love Beth or his friends, though. And as for all the total strangers and people in history.
    â€œYo, my man, where’s those rolling papers?”
    I opened my eyes and saw the Bandito Mustache Man tromping through the front door followed by the rest of Rick’s family.
    Beth spied the joint on the table. “You got the kid stoned and forgot all about us!”
    â€œLeonard is hearing The Word for the first time,” explained Rick by way of an excuse.
    â€œHeavy!” said Bandito Man. He was smoking a cigarette, which I thought rather