Who Am I Without Him? Read Online Free PDF Page A

something. I am tired of him hurting my feelings all the time.”
    I guess his mother said something to him, ’cause a few days later he sat down next to me in class, which he never does no more. And he talked to me. We both got a B+ on our project. Two days later, him and me were standing outside talking. He’s been nice to me ever since. There’s no more letters, just him and me talking, in person, on the phone, that kind of thing.
    June 14
    Dear Diary Girl:
    Since I bought another diary to hand in, I wanted you to feel special ’cause we’ve been together since I started writing down my feelings for Jaquel. So I hope you like your new name. A lot of things have happened in the last two weeks. Me and Jaquel sat down outside of school and talked real good. He apologized for being mean to me all the time. And he said he was finished with Chicago. I was right about to tell him he was stupid for hanging in there so long, when I thought of something from the book. You gotta make a boy feel good about who he is. So I told him in my sweetest voice that it was her loss, not his. I told my mother the other day that I didn’t like that book so much, anymore. It never says what a boy should be doing for you. My mother says that’s what she and my dad are here for, to let me know that a boy should respect me, stop when I tell him to, and make me feel special by doing nice things for me. I didn’t want to hear all that, but she told me anyhow.
    But, you know what? Jaquel was sweet to me that day we were together. He was standing so close, he made me sweat. And he asked me if I wanted to go a movie and out to eat on Saturday night. You know, I think he is shy sometimes. He was staring at his feet, almost the whole time. But when he did look up, and stare in my eyes, he kept licking his lips with his tongue, like they were dry. And sometimes he would push me, a little, with his elbow. I almost kissed him, you know. I almost just pulled him to me and kissed those big, pink lips of his for the longest time. Only I stopped myself. ’Cause I’m making him want me; not throwing me at him. But when we kiss, oh my goodness, the earth’s gonna shake.
    June 15
Devita Mae—
    We don’t have to write no more, so what’s up with the letters?
    Jaquel,
I just wanted to thank you for taking me out. I
had a nice time.
    D Girl—
You told me that.
    J . . .
I wanted to ask you something. Only writing it
down seemed like the best way to do it.
    All right. Ask.
    If u wrote a love letter to a girl, what would u say?
    Oh God.
    Just answer the question, please.
    I would never write one.
    â€™Cause you can’t?
    No.
    â€™Cause you scared?
    No.
    Why then?
    Drop it. Y can’t girls just drop things?
    Dear Jaquel,
If I wrote a love letter to a boy, here’s what it
would say:
    My Sweet Jaquel, I like you. I think you are funny, cute, and got the sweetest lips. I like sitting next to you. You make me want to touch your hand and be someplace quiet with you. I think sometimes, “Does Jaquel like me the way I like him?”
    That’s what I would write in my letter. What do you think?
    Dear Devita Mae:
I do not write love letters.
    Oh.
    June 18
Dear Devita Mae Calloway:
I hate to write. But you are back to not talking to me and ignoring me so here goes. I do not write love letters to girls. But if I wrote one, I would say, Dear Devita Mae: Girl, you are fine. And them eyes, man they something else. When you look at me and bat them long lashes, Girl, I ain’t saying what I be feeling. Cute is the best part of you—but not the only good thing about you. You don’t let me boss you—I like that. But you ain’t no dude neither, and you ain’t after my money. I can tell, ’cause you’re not all the time begging for my change. This ain’t no love letter, you know, but it’s a note. . . . Something for you to burn when you’re done reading