Where'd You Go, Bernadette: A Novel Read Online Free PDF

And not just because I hate people, which, for the record, I still do. I just don’t think I can make it across the Drake Passage. If it weren’t for Bee, I’d certainly cancel the trip. But I can’t let her down. Maybe you can find me something really strong for seasickness. And I don’t mean Dramamine. I mean
strong.
    On another topic: I fully expect you to be charging me for the time it takes to read all my rambling emails!
    *

Letter from Bruce Jessup,
dean of admissions at Choate
    Dear Bee,
    After a careful review of an outstanding group of Early Decision applicants, it is our great pleasure to offer you admission to Choate Rosemary.
    We thoroughly enjoyed learning about your academic achievements and your varied interests during our review process. Your scores and assessments were so outstanding, in fact, that our director of studies, Hillary Loundes, has sent a letter under separate cover to your parents discussing your unique enrollment opportunities.
    For now, let us warmly congratulate you on surviving this extremely competitive process. I have absolutely no doubt that you will find your classmates as stimulating, challenging, and engaging as we find you.
    Sincerely,
    Bruce Jessup
    *

Letter from Hillary Loundes,
director of studies at Choate
    Dear Mr. and Mrs. Branch,
    Congratulations on Bee’s acceptance to Choate Rosemary. As you know better than anyone, Bee is an extraordinary young woman. So extraordinary, in fact, that I am recommending she skip third form (ninth grade) and enter Choate Rosemary in the fourth form (tenth grade).
    This year, Choate Rosemary will accept one in ten applicants. Almost without exception, each candidate, like Bee, has excellent SSAT scores and near perfect GPAs. You may wonder how we wade through this sea of academic sameness consisting of grade and recommendation inflation to find students who will truly thrive at Choate Rosemary.
    Since the late 1990s, our admissions department has been working with Yale’s PACE (Psychology of Abilities, Competencies, and Expertise) Center to develop a hard measure of the soft skills required to adjust to the academic and social challenges of boarding school. The result of this work is something unique to the admissions process at Choate Rosemary, the Choate Self-Assessment.
    It was on her CSA that Bee truly separated herself from the pack. In this new vocabulary of success, there are two words we like to use when describing our ideal student. Those words are “grit” and “poise.” Your daughter tested off the charts for both.
    As we all know, the worst thing that can happen to a gifted child isfor her to grow bored. Therefore, we think it is in Bee’s best interest to enter the fourth form.
    Boarding tuition is $47,260. To guarantee Bee’s place, please submit the enrollment contract and deposit by January 3.
    I look forward to discussing this further. Above all, welcome to Choate Rosemary!
    Sincerely,
    Hillary Loundes
    *
    From: Bernadette Fox
    To: Manjula Kapoor
    Do you hear the weeping all the way in India? Bee was accepted to Choate! Truly, I blame Elgie and myself, for regaling Bee with our boarding school adventures. Elgie went to Exeter; I went to Choate. It was nothing but brilliant kids, Grateful Dead concerts, and innovative ways to prevent your dorm room from reeking of bong water: what wasn’t to like? A gigantic part of me does want my daughter sprung from the dreary provinciality of Seattle. And Bee is dying to go. So I have no choice but to cowboy up and not make this all about me.
    Elgie is composing a letter about not wanting Bee to skip a grade. But that’s not your concern. Please pay the deposit from our joint account. Any word on the seasickness medicine? I’m kind of freaking out.
    More later, but I’m late picking up Bee and I can’t find the dog.
    *
    “OK,” Mom said that day, as soon as I got in the car, “we have a problem. Ice Cream got into my closet, the door shut behind her, and I can’t open