When the Snow Fell Read Online Free PDF Page B

different. It eventually dawned on him that she wasn’t only like somebody he’d seen in one of Otto’s magazines: she had reminded him of the new shop assistant in Ehnström’s grocery store.
    Joel tried to escape back into his dream. Closed his eyes and leaned back on the pillows. But no matter what he did, he couldn’t get back there. His dream had gone away. And he couldn’t get back in touch with it.
    But he knew that it was connected to his New Year’s resolutions. He knew that in the coming year, he would see a real naked woman.
    Something had happened during the past year. Something that had shaken his whole world to its foundations.Something inside him. Hatches that had opened up, secret doors that had been flung open wide.
    Feelings were like doors. Joel knew that. Sorrow had its own room; so did disappointment, and happiness. Life was like a long corridor. Every door you walked past concealed something you could choose to accept. Or reject. If you knocked on the door and went in. Always assuming you were allowed in. But doors you hoped would remain closed could also open unexpectedly.
    It was all to do with Otto’s magazines. Where more or less naked women were climbing up ladders, or sitting on balconies in front of some photographer or others who snapped and snapped away. He couldn’t say whether what was happening inside him was good or not. But it worried him. He was on fire.
    During breaks Otto often went on and on and on about how things stood. He
hissed
when he spoke. Not too loud, not too soft. Just so that those gathered round him could hear. No girls, only boys. And Otto hissed. About big girls’ secrets. And Joel had always listened carefully. But there again, he didn’t trust Otto. Not just because they had more or less always been enemies. Otto was always bragging. But on the other hand, Joel could never be absolutely sure. You could only be sure when you knew yourself. And not always then.
    Joel thought about the woman in his dream. How she had walked towards him. Captain Joel Gustafson had dared to look at her. But the one having the dream, JoelGustafson with a sore throat, had looked away. He hadn’t really dared to look at her, not even in his dream. He hadn’t really had much more than a glimpse.
    Joel had chosen that word carefully. A
glimpse
. Something you nearly saw, not quite. And that was exactly what the woman had been.
    But he had seen something. All the unknown things that worried him.
    And she had been very much like the new shop assistant at Ehnström’s. The one who spoke with a Stockholm accent, and hadn’t become an old woman yet.
    Then it dawned on Joel. He was ill in bed, but he knew. The New Year’s resolution he had made, about seeing a naked woman: it would be Ehnström’s shop assistant. With no clothes on. But goodness only knew how he would be able to manage that.
    Nevertheless, it was a step in the right direction. He knew now who he had picked out. Or rather, who the dream had chosen for him.
    He noticed that the dream had made him hungry. And his throat was hardly sore anymore. He went to the pantry and fetched what was left of the black pudding from the previous evening. Cold black pudding was not exactly tasty. But when you were really hungry, it didn’t much matter what you ate. He prepared a plate of black pudding and jam. Then he clambered up onto the window seat. Acar drove past, then another one shortly afterwards. Fat old women were shuffling along the pavements, trying not to slip. No doubt they were heading for Ehnströms Livs to do their shopping. And none of them saw Joel sitting on the window seat, hoping they would slip and fall down.
    Joel ate. He was really hungry. Then he went back to his room. Wondered if Lars Olson, lying dead out there in the churchyard, had ever eaten black pudding. Had Captain Joel Gustafson ever been forced to survive on any of his long voyages with nothing to eat but cold black pudding?
    He banished the thought as