When Reason Breaks Read Online Free PDF Page A

class by now. You know, he had sex with a high school girl when he was in eighth grade.”
    â€œ
If
the rumors are true,” said Sarah.
    â€œThey’re always true,” said Abby.
    â€œWhatever,” Emily said, stopping the exchange. “Let’s talk about something else.”
    Emily’s phone buzzed. She checked it carefully so she wouldn’t mess up her nails. She read the text and tucked the phone into her front pocket.
    â€œAnd who was that?” Abby asked, raising an eyebrow.
    â€œNobody. I mean, my brother Austin. He’s bragging again about being in college.”
    â€œSpeaking of hot boys,” said Abby.
    â€œNow,
that’s
gross. We are definitely not talking about my brother.”
    â€œThen let’s move on to hair and makeup,” Sarah suggested. Sarah was already picture-perfect. Her black, tight curls hung loose, and her face was lightly made up so that her dark-brown skin, tinged red from days on the beach, seemed to glow. Emily would be the guinea pig.
    â€œSure. I’ll be right back.”
    In the bathroom, Emily pulled out her phone and read the text again. She smiled wide and typed a quick response. Then, she deleted the thread.
Why didn’t she tell them?
They asked about him and she lied. It was the perfect time to tell them. Maybe it’s not too late. She could do it now, but they’d have to promise no posts or tweets or texts to anyone. She looked at herself in the mirror. What was she going to do?Ask them to pinkie swear? That was kid stuff. Even if they did it for old time’s sake and a good laugh, it wouldn’t stick.
    She had no choice but to keep the secret and lie to her friends as long as she could. They’d want to know
everything
, and they couldn’t help but spread the news. And when any of the news reached her super-conservative dad, she’d be grilled as if she were a criminal on the stand. And no one, not even Mamá, would object to protect her. Emily gripped the edge of the counter and squeezed her eyes shut. She drenched a towel with cold water and pressed it against her face. The few tears she couldn’t hold back soaked into the cloth.
    â€œA clean canvas,” Emily said pointing to her face when she returned. She nearly fell asleep as Sarah brushed her thick hair this way and that. When Sarah moved to Emily’s face, she pressed her thumbs into the flesh beneath Emily’s eyes.
    â€œYou’re a little puffy,” she said and cocked her head.
    Emily shrugged. “I probably need more sleep.”
    Sarah studied Emily for a moment but didn’t push the issue. “No problem,” she said. “I have just the thing.” Her hands moved deftly across Emily’s skin. She mumbled as she worked.
    â€œThis goes perfectly with your brown eyes and dark, auburn-tinted hair … This will fill out that thin upper lip to match your plump lower one …” When Sarah finished she said, “You are done, and you are gorgeous.”
    Emily closed her eyes and felt her face redden.

Chapter 6

My Letter to the World
MARCH 7
    Dear Ms. Diaz
,
    Hi. How are you?
    Okay, that was a stupid way to start, but I wasn’t sure how to begin. Deep breath and here goes: When you read this, I should be gone. The first envelope is my suicide note, and this journal is the explanation. “This is my letter to the World / That never wrote to Me –” That’s a line from an Emily Dickinson poem, but I’m sure you know that. Do you know how that feels? To expect a response from someone and get nothing? She was ignored and resented it. So was I. Not by you. You tried. I didn’t make it easy, I know. I never made things easy. Like Emily Dickinson, I hidmyself away from the world. I was there, but I wasn’t—not really. Does that make sense? I wanted people to notice me, the real me, but I didn’t let anyone see me
.
    I’m sure people will be surprised by