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me
excess energy. So I went to the gym.
    And Ethan was there.
    Only the two of us were apparently crazy enough to
use the facilities at that hour, but I wasn't complaining. I waved
hello but skipped the small talk and went straight for the
treadmill.
    Maybe a more ambitious run this time. I set it for a
course that would simulate a jog up three hills in thirty minutes.
And then I started running.
    My heart was beating fast and
hopefully in a healthy way as I made it up the first "hill," and I
felt great. No, not great—I felt pumped.
    Because I might actually have been angry, a
little.
    What made Arabella think we had that kind of
friendship? I was nothing but professional when we worked together,
never even talked to her about the guys I liked or the dates I went
on. Never asked her for work advice, even; the day she found out I
was leaving the company was the day I handed her my resignation
letter.
    You don't have the right to project your regrets
onto me.
    I ran on adrenaline for the rest of my workout.
    "...want to grab something?" Ethan
was saying.
    "What?" I was breathless as I
neared the end of my run, but I felt wonderful. I could have taken
on another hill. I was ready to do stuff. "A drink please?
Yes."

Chapter 6

    "It looks complicated."
    "Stop—it's not complicated. It's
exactly like making a sandwich."
    "There are too many things
here."
    "It's called ‘Duck Two Ways.’
You're just having it the one way."
    "It's good duck."
    "Wait, stop. Here, take
mine."
    "No thanks."
    "Please. I'll just make another.
Which will just take two seconds because it's easy."
    "It's good."
    "Did you dip it in the
sauce?"
    "No. Which one, this
one?"
    "You did it wrong again. Here,
have another. Dip."
    "You're bossy."
    "My flatmate and I foodtripped a
lot. I don't like it when I eat with people who never try anything.
Is it good now?"
    "Yes, ma'am, it's better with the
sauce, thank you."
    "So you're seriously at the gym
every night?"
    "It's the first time I'm staying
in a place with a free gym. But this is a new thing for
me."
    "Are you usually there so
late?"
    "No, but had to work late
tonight."
    "Doing what?"
    "Had a call with the London
office."
    "What do you do
exactly?"
    "I'm a project
consultant."
    "Which we know means nothing,
really. I was a 'consultant' for years too."
    "It's really managing
projects."
    "Hah, I was almost a 'project
manager' too, maybe if I stayed in my job here longer. But I had
dinner with my former boss and she seems to be stuck doing the same
thing, so now I know that it doesn't mean anything
either."
    "Well we're in tech and software,
so it's usually about that. But it's not always the same project,
because the client could be, I don't know, a burger restaurant
today, a hospital tomorrow. Have to be flexible."
    "I know. It kind of feels that way
if you move to another country to work."
    "Like how?"
    "I don't know if anyone else
thought that, but I felt... I felt I had to become anything they
needed me to be. I just needed to make rent, and the condo
payments, and it didn't matter what job I had. And then I had to
change jobs because it looked like I wasn't going to last long in
my first employer, and I was literally looking at every job
posting. I had no standards. Pretty much anything that allowed me
to stay in the country, I was willing to consider."
    "So that sounds like my career,
exactly. But only because my work needed me to be whatever people
wanted me to be at the time."
    "How long have you been at
it?"
    "More than five years
now."
    "Do you feel as aimless as I
do?"
    "Hah. I guess."
    "It didn't have to be like this,
you know. I could have made the same choices, like my friend Roxie,
and I'd probably have a job title and a staff and people who would
be calling me 'ma'am.'"
    "Your friend Roxie, the one who
stayed, right?"
    "Yeah. I'd be like her, with a
fancy business card and everything."
    "It's not too late to get all
that. You're young."
    "I know, but I've been away for
five years. I won't be