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was a workaholic, but I refused
to believe that she had absolutely nobody the whole time. Not the
way she kept obsessing about my dating life.
    Or maybe it was an indicator that she indeed didn't.
Have anybody.
    "I should introduce you to
someone," Arabella was saying, her nails clicking noisily as she
browsed her smartphone contacts list. "I mean, you've been back for
a month right? Are you free Saturday?"
    "No I'm not, Arabella, but thank
you."
    "What's your next job?"
    "Nothing, right now."
    "Are you sure? Because a new
division opened up this year. I could recommend you for it. You
should consider it. You're not getting any younger."
    I sipped some water and swallowed
what I really wanted to say. "How are you? Who are you seeing now?"
I went, sweetly.
    "How can I see anybody when I’m
leaving at ten every night? This job is going to kill
me."
    I smiled and tried to recall how this conversation
went. She was complaining about the hours she put in, for as long
as I'd known her. I had come to see this as a dance. She stepped
forward (I hate my job I work so hard), I stepped back (you should
take a break you deserve it), she stepped forward again (but I
can't not right now), chachacha.
    "Weren't you promoted lately?
Can't you start delegating or something?"
    Chachacha.
    Arabella loved her job. She loved how it gave her an
environment to be superior to other people. She loved being right,
and being a mentor, and showing people the ropes. She liked being
the last to leave, and complaining about it early the next day. But
she didn't want to admit it, so she made a show out of hanging out
with the underlings, trying to be part of their/our lives.
    It was precisely this environment
that showed me that my future was Arabella, if I stayed at that
workplace any longer, and no I didn't want to be getting older and
living vicariously through her "kids."
    But I was never, ever going to tell her that.
    So throughout dinner I kept up the dance.
Chachacha.

    -/\/\/\-
     
    ARABELLA
    I. CAREER AND FINANCES
    + Stable career (if a little boring and possibly
dead-end)
    - Can’t afford NV Park
     
    II. FAMILY AND FRIENDSHIPS
    ? In touch with family, but not in best terms
    - Friends are actually officemates who don’t want to
offend their boss by saying she can’t come along
     
    III. LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS
    - None recently
    - Living vicariously through Moira and who knows who
else
     
    IV. PERSONAL FULFILLMENT
    - No time for travel
    - Supposedly, no time for hobbies
     
    -/\/\/\-

    Okay, to be fair, it wasn't just
Arabella. It was like my decision to move years ago also involved
me putting a sign over my head that said "Project Your Regrets Onto
Me." I tried to remove these people from my life, but at least one
would remain, anywhere. The person who would say I was wrong for
staying/going, that I should be going/staying, that I couldn't
stay/go for the rest of my life, that I should decide to go/stay
now before it was too late.
    These people just couldn't be happy for someone who
was enjoying herself.
    And yet I had to remain polite, so
when I encountered these people, I went into "no comment" mode, or
close to it. I lied.
    My jaw was numb from all the lies, by the end of
dinner.
    Arabella didn't let up the interrogation about my
life and future plans, so I just kept saying things to close the
topic. But she kept coming back.
    They weren't major lies; mostly
just me saying "nothing" when there actually was a "something."
Except the "something" was going to lead to more questions, so I
just didn't say it. The lies weren't going to hurt her, and I
convinced myself that she deserved them for being so nosy about my
business.
    I had a plan, all right? I didn't need to share it
with everyone. And the lack of sharing didn't give anyone the right
to make one for me.
    Maybe I shouldn't have told people I was staying
longer this time.
    When I started walking back to my building, it was
near midnight, and being annoyed at Arabella's questions gave