because her mom had thrown all her stuff out, thinking it was stolen. Well, it was stolen now. Everything had been stolen from her. Tortuga, who grew up on the streets, she was pretty sure, would understand. Over the sound of his smooth, angry voice and the throb of the song she could hear her father faintly peeing, something she never heard in the old house. It was embarrassing, but then her father was always embarrassing. Also her mom, her school, the Embarcadero, her clothes, her own voice on the phone, the color orange, television, old music, the coaches, fancy food, being Jewish, blue jeans, clips in old women’s hair, sweat, kids, long sweaters, and everything else except six tracks on the Tortuga album. She stood up and looked at the view of the water and the bridge. Already people were driving. Gwen was going to have to grow up and get up in the morning and drive to a job. In a minute everyone was going to start with her and it was never going to stop.
In her new bathroom she washed the last of the ink off her hands. It went down the drain to stain the ocean. On the other side of her bathroom mirror was her dad’s bathroom mirror, so it felt like he was staring right through the mirror at her messy hair and bad breath. She was always a mess, because she had to get ready for school in the locker room at swimming. She didn’t want to be a Marionette anymore.
Her dad was making her toast as usual. Gwen felt the weariness of waiting forever for someone to finish a simple, menial task, just so you can say thank you and move on. “Am I still grounded?”
“You were grounded yesterday,” said her mother, of course. “For stealing. There’s punishment for you, and yes, you’re still grounded also.”
“Except swimming,” said her father, to cheer her up. The top of his swimming trunks was peering over his wide, pale blue jeans. Gwen had heard him tell people that the two of them swam together because it produced better results. “You think that little Glasserman kid will be fast today? What’s his name?”
Cody Glasserman was fast most days. He was skinny as a stem, but he’d beaten all the boys in Competitive. Her dad talked about him for some reason. He wore a tight, smooth swimsuit, so Gwen could not look at Cody Glasserman at this point in her life. “I don’t know,” Gwen said, and her father finally finished the toast and slid the plate over to her. They stood side by side at the kitchen counter while her mother stared out at the courtyard. Toby II was making embarrassing noises at his bowl.
“I don’t hear you saying thank you,” said her mother.
“I just got it,” Gwen said sourly. “Thank you for the toast.” Her father had put too much butter and swirled honey on top of it.
“What was that?” her father asked.
“Thank you for the toast,” Gwen said, worse.
He held up his hands like he was getting arrested and it was fun. “No, no,” he said. “I mean what were you listening to this morning? I heard the thump, thump. It sounded pretty cool.”
Thump, thump, she almost pitied him. “Tortuga.”
“Tor-whata?”
“I’m really into him,” she said. “If you get Tortuga tickets, I’ll totally go. Don’t give them to Allan.”
“Okay.”
“Can you really?” Gwen asked him. Or, she thought, are you another one torturing me. “Can you really get tickets to that show?”
“Let me get back to you,” her father said, and Gwen knew what this meant. She slapped the toast in half and forced it into her mouth, picking up her backpack and sliding the sliding door open. The air was boring, neither cool nor hot.
“You forgot your juice,” her mother said.
Why didn’t they say what everyone knew, that Gwen was a mistake? She strode across the courtyard feeling the burn on her leg. Gwen rode the elevator down to the garage level to sit in her father’s car, the second-best part of the day. She spat half the toast in a garbage can full for some reason of batteries, but