Wanting What She Can't Have Read Online Free PDF Page A

“Are you sure that’s all? Maybe she ought to see the doctor and get checked out.”
    Alexis just laughed. The sound washed over him like a gentle caress—its touch too much, too intimate.
    “I see nothing to laugh about. She might be sick,” he said, his body rigid with anxiety.
    “Oh, no. Nothing like that,” Alexis replied, her back to him as she laid Ruby down on her change table.
    With one hand gently on the baby’s tummy, she reached for a packet of wipes, the movement making the already short hemline of her pajama shorts ride even higher and exposing the curve of one buttock. The warmth that had previously invaded his body now ignited to an instant inferno. He turned away from the scene before him, as much to hide his stirring erection as to avoid watching the diaper change.
    He turned back a minute later, almost under complete control once more, as Alexis dropped the soiled packet into the diaper bin, one Raoul distinctly remembered Bree ordering in a flurry of nursery accessory buying the day they discovered she was pregnant. He didn’t even remember when it had arrived or who had put it in here. He should probably have given it to Catherine but here it was, being used in a nursery he’d never imagined being used at all after Bree’s death.
    “Raoul? Are you okay?”
    Alexis’s voice interrupted his thoughts, dragging him back into the here and now as she always did.
    “I’m fine,” he asserted firmly, as if saying the words could actually make them true.
    “Good, then please hold Ruby while I go and wash my hands.”
    Before he could protest, she’d thrust the baby against his chest. Instinctively he put out his arms, regretting the movement the instant his hands closed around the little girl’s tiny form. His stomach lurched and he felt physically ill with fear. He’d never held her before. Ever. What if he did something wrong, or hurt her? What if she started crying again? He looked down into the blue eyes of his daughter, eyes that were so like her mother’s. Her dark brown lashes were spiked together with tears and to his horror he saw her eyes begin to fill again, saw her lip begin to wobble. He couldn’t do this, he really couldn’t do this.
    “Thanks, Raoul, I can take her back now if you like?”
    Relief swamped him at Alexis’s return and he passed the baby back to her with lightning speed. But the moment his arms were empty something weird happened. It was as if he actually missed the slight weight in his arms, the feel of that little body up against his own, the sensation of the rapidly drawn breaths in her tiny chest, the warmth of her skin.
    He took one step back, then another. No, he couldn’t feel this way. He couldn’t afford to love and lose another person the way he’d lost Bree. Ruby was still small, so much could go wrong. He forced himself to ignore the tug in his chest and the emptiness in his arms and dragged his gaze from the little girl now staring back at him, wide-eyed as she bent her head into Alexis’s chest, the fingers of one hand twirling in Alexis’s shoulder-length honey-blond hair.
    “Are you absolutely certain she’s all right?” he asked gruffly.
    Alexis smiled. “Of course, she’s fine, although she might be a bit cranky later this morning and need a longer nap than normal thanks to this early start today.”
    “Don’t hesitate to take her to the doctor if you’re worried.”
    “I won’t, I promise.”
    Her voice softened and his eyes caught with hers. Was it pity he saw there reflected in their dark brown depths? He felt his defenses fly back up around him. He needed no one’s pity. Not for anything. He was doing just fine by himself, thank you very much. And that was just the way he preferred it.
    Except he wasn’t by himself anymore, was he? He had Ruby and Alexis to contend with, and goodness only knew they both affected him on entirely different levels. Feeling overwhelmed he turned around and strode from the room, determined to