Vivienne's Guilt Read Online Free PDF Page A

podium.
    “Abbott was more than a friend. He was my brother . Abbott was my family , and family is not something I have a lot of. I don’t have a mother or father...no aunts, uncles, or cousins. But what I have is worth so much more. I have a family who chose me. I may have been born to one who threw me out with the trash, but there is no way they could have ever come close to what I’ve found in Viv, Abbott, and Matilda.
    “I know I’m not an easy person to love. I can be a royal pain in the...behind. I have issues a mile long. I’m selfish and high maintenance. But, Abbott never pushed me away. He accepted me and didn’t make me feel like a third wheel.
    “I don’t know how to say goodbye to one of the only people who ever truly cared for me. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your family. I promise to take good care of them. ’Til we meet again.” Cassie kisses two fingers and raises them in the air, then she makes her way back to her seat, a sobbing mess. As I lean over to comfort her, I watch Tillie wander out to the center of the altar.
    “It’s my turn now. Right, Mommy? You and Auntie gotted a turn. Can I talk now?” She looks so small standing up there in her pretty blue dress...her date dress. It was her idea to wear it, and she looks like a little angel. Abbott would approve.
    I’m not sure what Tillie wants to say, and to be quite honest, I’m a bit scared. You just never know what will come out of that girl’s mouth. But, Abbott was her father, and if she wants a turn to speak, then I am going to let her have it. “Go ahead, sweet girl. It’s your turn.” I nod in approval.
    Tillie smiles over at me and then turns her back to the crowd. She looks right up at the crucifix and begins. “Jesus...Jesus, I’m mad at you cuz you taked my Daddy away. I’m not gonna be your friend anymore if you don’t give him back. I don’t want him to be a angel. I just want him to be my Daddy. Please let him go home. Amen.” She puts her little hands on her hips and gives that statue the meanest eyes she can conjure.
    Oh. My. God. I walk over and lift my baby into my arms. I whisper to her that I love her and that her daddy loves her so much. I apologize over and over, and I am not even sure why, but I keep saying it. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I am so, so sorry.” There they are again. Those two little words. They feel so insignificant, but there is nothing else to say. I wish there were words to express how very sorry I am.
    I peek out at the crowd, and even the manliest of men have tears streaming down their cheeks. Leave it to Tillie to make a bunch of grown men cry.

    After the funeral, we all meet up at the lake house for a reception. We have a huge outdoor kitchen and covered pavilion with tables and chairs. Abbott’s company catered a late lunch for the entire funeral party. There is so much food, and still nothing looks appetizing. I could not keep anything in if I tried.
    Today was hard. One of the hardest days of my life, but I’m relieved it’s over with. The last four days have been brutal.
    I walk over to my mother’s table, where she is having quite an animated conversation with Tillie. Lord knows what that crazy girl is telling her Grammy. I hope she’s not getting me into trouble. “Hey, Momma,” I say as I lean over to hug her large frame. No matter how crazy she makes me, she still feels like home. Her smell is comforting. Her touch, soothing. “Thank you for being here. It means more to me than you know.” It took Abbott’s death to finally get my mother out to Magnolia Pines. She doesn’t drive more than a few miles from her house, and flying is out of the question. But, she faced her fears for me and here she is. I hope it won’t be the last time she makes an appearance.
    “Oh, my sweet girl. As if I would be any place else,” she says as she squeezes me tight. “You have a lovely home. The pictures don’t do it justice. I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to