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on punishment had been humane and sensible. Glodstone and Groxbourne had changed all that.

In a desperate attempt to gain some respect and to deter his classes from calling him Slimey to

his face, he had devised punishments that didn't include beating. They ranged from running ten

times to the school gates and back, a total distance of some five miles, to learning Wordsworth's

Prelude off by heart and, in extreme cases, missing games. It was this last method that brought

things to a head. Groxbourne might not be noted for its academic standards but rugby and cricket

were another matter, and when boys who were fast bowlers or full-backs complained that they

couldn't play in school matches because Mr Slymne had put them on punishment, the other masters

turned on him.
    'But I can't have my authority undermined by being called nicknames to my face,' Slymne

complained at a staff meeting convened after he had put six boys in the First Eleven on

punishment two days before the Bloxham match.
    'And I'm damned if I'm going to field a side consisting of more than half the Second Eleven,'

protested the infuriated cricket coach, Mr Doran. 'As it is, Bloxham is going to wipe the floor

with us. I've lost more practice time in the nets this term than any summer since we had the

mumps epidemic in 1952, and then we were in quarantine and couldn't play other schools, so it

didn't matter. Why can't you beat boys like any decent master?'
    'I resent that,' said Mr Slymne. 'What has decency to do with beating '
    The Headmaster intervened. 'What you don't seem to understand, Mr Slymne, is that it is one of

the occupational facts of teaching life to be given a nickname. I happen to know that mine is

Bruin, because my name is Bear.'
    'I daresay,' said Mr Slymne, 'But Bruin's a pleasant name and doesn't undermine your

authority. Slimey does.'
    'And do you think I like being called the Orangoutang?' demanded Mr Doran, 'Any more than

Glodstone here enjoys Cyclops or Matron's flattered by being known as Miss World 1914?'
    'No,' said Mr Slymne, 'I don't suppose you do, but you don't get called Orangoutang to your

face.'
    'Precisely,' said Mr Glodstone. 'Any boy foolish enough to call me Cyclops knows he's going to

get thrashed so he doesn't.'
    'I think beating is barbaric,' maintained Mr Slymne, 'It not only brutalizes the boys '
    'Boys are brutal. It's in the nature of the beast,' said Glodstone.
    'But it also brutalizes masters who do it. Glodstone's a case in point.'
    'I really think there's no need to indulge in personal attacks,' said the Headmaster, but Mr

Glodstone waved his defence aside with a nasty smile.
    'Wrong again, Slymne. I don't beat. I know my limitations and I leave it to the prefects in my

house to do it for me. An eighteen-year-old has an extremely strong right arm.'
    'And I suppose Matron gets boys to do her dirty work for her when she's called Miss World

1914,' said Slymne, fighting back.
    Major Fetherington spoke up. 'She doesn't need to. I remember an incident two or three years

ago involving Hoskiss Minor. I think she used a soap enema or was it washing-up liquid? Something

like that. He was off games for a week anyway, poor devil.'
    'Which brings us back to the main point of contention,' said the Headmaster. 'The Bloxham

match is the high point in our sporting calendar. It is of social importance for the school too.

A great many parents attend and we'd be doing ourselves no good in their eyes if we allow

ourselves to lose it. I am therefore overriding your ban, Mr Slymne. You will find some less

time-consuming means of imposing your will on the boys. I don't care how you do it, but please

bear in mind that Groxbourne is a games-playing school first and foremost.'
    'But surely, Headmaster, the purpose of education is to '
    'Build character and moral fibre. You'll find our purpose set out in the Founder's

Address.'
    From that moment of defeat, Mr Slymne had suffered