Vanishing Act Read Online Free PDF Page B

finally emerged from the sad-sack imposter he had found sitting in front of the
dojo
.
    “Soup’s on. How come you didn’t set the table, Harry?”
    Harry clenched his teeth. “Because you didn’t tell me to set the damn table, that’s why. Furthermore, I’m a guest, and you’re supposed to wait on me hand and foot. That’s what a good host does.”
    “Yeah, well, don’t go pushing your luck, Harry. We divide everything up here. I cook, you clean up. You do your own laundry. I vacuum, and you dust. We take turns doing the shopping. Yeah, I know you don’t have any money, so I’ll pay for the groceries, but then if I do that, you should cook. None of that alfalfa shit you eat or those sprouts that grow other sprouts right under your eyes and make you poop green. Deal?”
    “I hate you, Jack,” Harry said, slamming a plate with purple flowers on it in front of Jack. “Where are the candles?”
    “Oh, dear God, mercy me, good heavens, how could I have been so stupid as to forget the candles? You’re an asshole, Harry,” Jack said as he reached into one of the cabinets for a fat yellow candle, which was supposed to smell like warm summer sunshine, and set it in the middle of the table.
    “It doesn’t go with the dishes, Jack. It should be lavender.”
    “Harry! Shut the fuck up and eat!”

    Lizzie clicked on her cell phone. There was a smile in her voice when she said, “Talk to me, Jack. I was in the shower when you called. Cosmo is taking me out to dinner. Why didn’t you leave a message?”
    “I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave this particular message. Listen, Lizzie, something terrible has happened to Harry, so that makes this a personal call. That’s why I didn’t want to leave a message. Someone managed to steal Harry’s identity. He’s been evicted. All his money, all his accounts…gone. He’s staying with me right now and has seventeen bucks to his name and his Ducati. And that’s it. I’m going to tell you now that I broke into the
dojo
and got his stuff, and, no, I didn’t leave fingerprints. There’s yellow CAUTION tape all around the
dojo
. One more thing, the person or persons who did this also applied for over a dozen credit cards and ran them up to the max. Harry has over two hundred grand now in credit card debt. He has two cards that he pays off every month. He rarely uses them but will buy something or charge a meal just to keep them active.”
    “I got it, Jack. I’ll be on the first plane out tomorrow. Tell Harry to sit tight, okay? Also tell him he’s not the only one this has happened to, and it might make him feel a little better. Forty million Americans get their identity stolen every year.”
    “Yeah, well, that isn’t going to make Harry or me feel any better to know that, Lizzie.”
    “I know. But it’s a fact that we have to recognize and deal with. Call the mountain, and I’ll call Maggie. We need to get on this ASAP . Now, relax. I’m going out to dinner with my husband. I’ll check in with you the minute I get back to D.C.”
    “Gotcha. Thanks, Lizzie.”
    Jack turned to Harry. “You ready for your pie now? Lizzie’s on it. She told me that forty million Americans have their identities stolen every year.”
    “Yeah, I’ll take the pie and the ice cream. More tea, too. I don’t want to be the forty million and first American who has his identity stolen.”
    “Look at it this way, Harry. Lizzie has that long flight back to D.C. to map out a strategy. Boy, I can almost feel sympathy for the president of that bank when he goes up against Lizzie. By the way, what’s the name of the bank?”
    “East Coast Savings.”
    “Shit! That’s where my accounts are,” Jack snarled. “Damn it, wouldn’t you know this would happen on a Friday, so we have to sweat the weekend? First thing Monday morning, I’m out of that bank, and my money is going into a sock under my mattress.” Jack knew he wouldn’t do anything that stupid, but he was going to do