Valentine from a Soldier Read Online Free PDF Page B

I haven’t dated at all since the accident , and I never thought that I’d feel that way about anyone again.  While I did sit beside you hoping only to talk to a pretty girl for the evening, I never expected for my time in San Francisco to include falling for you , Sarah.   I keep thinking about our evening together and of course our amazing night.  I hope you can forgive me for not telling you the entire truth, because I can’t imagine never seeing you again .
    Love,
    Ryan
    My heart pounded in my chest as I finished reading his letter , and a flurry of conflicting emotions rushed through me.  He had a fiancé e .  An ex-fiancé e , but he’d been there in San Francisco because of her .  Why didn’t he tell me last night when I’d asked why he was t here ?  Why did he tuck a letter explaining everything into my suitcase ?  He must have written it while I showered and dressed this morning.   But h ow could he have made love to me again and again, kissed me so passionately, without sharing that part of his life?  I sank down onto my bed, trying to collect my thoughts.  I guess that goes to show why you shouldn’t have one-night-stands.  Although I felt an amazing connection with Ryan, I really didn’t know him at all.  I wasn’t sure how I felt about him taking this trip because of another woman and then spending the night in my bed.  Had he forgotten all about her at that point?  Was I just a substitute for someone he could never have ?   He’d held me so close this morning that it felt like he never wanted to let me go.   Was he just wishing that he was with her?
    Suddenly feeling anger rise up inside me and the need to get some of my frustration out , I pulled on my workout clothes and headed down to the small gym in my building.  I set the treadmill for forty minutes and starting to jo g , pounding out my frustration s on the rubber tread.  I preferred running outside but it was already getting dark, and I found this helped just as much to release all the tension coursing through my body.  When I finally started to calm down, I went back up to my apartment and took a long, hot shower.  There was no question about it; my night with Ryan had been one big mistake.  As hard as it might be, w hat I really needed was to put the entire trip behind me.  I had a big week coming up, with Morgan’s wedding to keep me busy along with my usual work responsibilities.  I had a huge conference that I was planning for next month , and I didn’t have time to let a guy who couldn’t even bother to be truthful with me get in the way of my real life.
    I popped a frozen dinner in the microwave and sank down onto my sofa to watch a little mindless TV .  I suddenly wasn’t feeling very hungry though and only picked at my food .  Some reruns of my favorite show distracted me for a couple of hours, and I poured myself a glass of wine, trying not to remember sharing a bottle of it with Ryan last night.  Walking back to my bedroom at 10:00 p.m., I lay down in the darkness, wide awake from jet lag.  My phone beeped on the nightstand, and I glanced down to see who ha d sent me a message.
    You have no idea what I want to be doing to you right now.  ;)  But even more, I just wish you were here beside me.  Ryan
    I felt angry at the inappropriateness of his text message.  We hadn’t even discussed what he’d written in his letter.  Did he think I was just okay with everything?   Or that I hadn’t read it yet?  If it were the latter, why was he going about pretending like everything was okay and that we didn’t have something huge to discuss?  I didn’t respond and closed my eyes, blinking back tears in the darkness.   Finally a few minutes later my phone beeped again.  I begrudgingly grabbed it and looked down at the screen.
    Did you get my letter?
    I stared at it for a minute, trying to decide what to do.  Finally I typed out a quick reply that would hopefully get my message across.
    C an’t talk