Uses for Boys Read Online Free PDF Page B

alone,” she says and then she gives me my drink. “Ignore him,” she says
     to me.
    “I am.”
    “You’re not,” he says, reaching for my nipple again.
    “I am,” I say, but I can still feel the ghost heat of his breath against my ear. He’s
     older than me, I think, out of high school at least. But not as old as Delmi’s boyfriend
     who’s twenty-two.
    And very intelligent, she says.
    I finish my drink. Todd disappears upstairs and I’m trying to think of a way to ask
     Delmi about him. Instead I ask for another drink. “Make me another drink?” I say.
    “He’s an asshole,” she says. “I don’t know why he’s here. Usually he stays with his
     dad.” Delmi lives with her dad and Todd’s mom. They’re gone all the time, she says.
    I’m looking at Delmi, but thinking about Todd. I can see myself in the mirror behind
     the bar and if I dip my chin down, my hair falls in my eyes and I look sexy, I think.
    I finish my drink and the basement fills with kids. Delmi’s gone and Todd hasn’t come
     back. I make my own Nippery Slipple.
    I’m wearing my favorite red canvas shorts with a fluttery Egyptian top. Girls show
     up in summer dresses mostly or jeans and T-shirts with eagle wing jewelry. This summer
     all the girls wear eagle wing jewelry. The boys hunch together in groups. I spill
     my drink and make another.
    Then Todd’s back and I’m on the couch and he pinches my nipple again like he can and
     I flip him off, like I’m saying fuck off, this happens to me all the time. I lean
     back and drink my drink. I look older, I think. Somebody moves off the couch so he
     can sit next to me. I want to tell him things. I want to tell him about my mom. Why?
     But I do. I’m full of sympathy for my mom. I drink my drink. I have no mom, I say.
     I don’t even care if it makes sense.
    Then he says something about fucking. Fucking, I think he says. What’s he asking?
     Have I ever fucked a boy? I dip my chin down and look up at him through my bangs.
     I try to look experienced. I make a joke and start laughing so hard I spit. What’s
     so funny? I talk about love. I loved Joey, I say, and he left. Love wears off like
     the gold plating on eagle wing jewelry.
    But I’m not sure what he’s asking.
    “I’m very experienced in the ways of love,” I say. I can’t stop laughing. The schnapps
     pours a thick blanket over my brain and Todd puts on dark sunglasses so I can’t see
     his eyes. The kids next to us on the couch are making out and someone has turned off
     most of the lights. I’m pressed up against the armrest and Todd lays his head against
     the back of the couch like he’s asleep. I can’t even tell if his eyes are open.
    Then Delmi’s here again and her boyfriend’s standing behind her with his arms around
     her waist. “Are you alright, Anna?” she says and I wave her off. I look over at Todd,
     but he’s not there anymore and the couple’s gone too, so I’m alone on the couch and
     it takes me a long time to get up and find my way down the hall to an empty room.
     It’s a guest bedroom with a twin bed pushed up against the wall. I kneel down on the
     spinning bed and hug a pillow against my chest. The music is thumping from the other
     room and the bed won’t stop its spinning.
    I’m going to throw up.
    I push myself up and make it to a garbage can by the door. Afterward I lie on the
     floor for a while.
    Delmi comes in. “Oh, Anna,” she says like maybe she’s angry but then she helps me
     to the bed and I take off my shorts and climb under the thin blanket. She pulls the
     covers up under my chin and rests her hand on my forehead.
    “I’m sorry,” I say but I’m not sure if she hears me.
    “Good night,” she says from the doorway, then her boyfriend calls from the other room
     and she’s gone. “I thought Todd left,” I hear her say from a long way away and then
     I think she says my name but the bed is spinning again and I have to concentrate on
     my breathing. I