Upon the Head of the Goat Read Online Free PDF Page B

it’s … this backward existence. I could never live with it again. I feel alive in the city where people are more civilized. I can talk with them, they understand me.”
    â€œRise, you are fooling yourself. You are living among goyim and you think they are your friends. I just hope you never have to depend on them. They are neighborly, but there is a big difference between neighbors and your own. Only your own can feel your pain.”
    â€œThey have helped me when I needed them. You were not there when Mayer died; you did not see them look after my little ones for me.”
    â€œThat kind of crisis is familiar to them: a husband dying, they can understand that. But this is a Jewish problem we are facing. They will not understand.”
    Iboya and I were shocked by what we were hearing; Babi and Mother were so involved in their discussion that they had forgotten about us on the porch.
    â€œThey are talking about sending us away,” Iboya said, puzzled.
    â€œThey are talking about sending us to America,” I answered the question in her voice, as Rozsi and Father turned the corner at the side of the house and came up onto the porch.
    â€œWho is sending you where?” Father asked.
    â€œBabi wants Mother to send us to America.”
    â€œYou too, Rozsi,” said Iboya.
    â€œNobody is sending you girls anywhere. The war is almost over.” Father sat down on the bench beside us. A few moments passed in silence and then Mother came out to call us in for lunch.
    After Iboya and I finished up the dishes, Iboya went to her mattress to lie down for a while, and I decided to go call on Molcha. I came to the kitchen threshold and was about to step onto the porch when I overheard Babi speaking in a low and serious tone of voice, her back to me as she faced Father, who was sitting on the bench. Neither of them noticed me standing in the doorway.
    â€œIgnac, I know that you love the girls, and God knows what a wonderful father you have been to them. But you are also a smart man, so I’m going to ask you to let them go to America. They have no future here. Nobody does.”
    â€œIt isn’t as bad as it looks to you, Mama,” Father said gently. “The Hungarians have refused to give in to Hitler’s demands.”
    â€œIgnac, you are an intelligent man. Be realistic. How long can they fight him? No, if they stay…” Babi’s voice trembled; she turned and saw me on the threshold. “Piri, what are you doing there?”
    â€œI was just going to look for Molcha, Babi.”
    Babi nodded and walked past me into the main room. She closed the door. I settled myself beside Father on the bench.
    â€œWhere did everybody go?” I asked.
    â€œThey are walking to the Rika.”
    â€œAren’t you going?”
    â€œNo, I’m going to take a nap.”
    â€œFather, can I ask you something?”
    â€œYes, of course.”
    â€œWhy didn’t they take away Lajos’ officer’s uniform? He is Jewish. They took yours away.”
    â€œThey didn’t take mine away because I am Jewish; they took it away because I was a Czech officer. Lajos was never part of the Czech army; he was drafted into the Hungarian army. The Hungarians don’t trust the Czechs, especially in this war. I don’t have the uniform, but I still train the new recruits,” he ended with a forced chuckle.
    In the afternoon we had company. A number of the Jewish families came to say hello to Babi’s guests. The men asked Father political questions, and they seemed suspicious of Lajos, who was wearing his Hungarian officer’s uniform.
    I joined Iboya, who was listening to the women talk about the food Babi had prepared and the city clothes that Mother was wearing. Mother became very talkative and gay, making them all laugh. Then she turned to me and suggested I bring out the globe Lajos had given to Iboya and me.
    I went into the spare room, and brought the