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every day.” It was a lie. I just wanted her out of the store. I even added some speed and zest to the comment so she’d think I was in a hurry. But she didn’t bite.
     
    “ I’m on my way to Deitrick’s for a smoked salmon walnut salad. Why not come with me? You need to get out of this store Mac.”
     
    I bit my lip to keep from saying something that I'd regret.  “You're probably right , but I'm good.  Thanks.”
     
    “If you don't mind me saying so ,” Amber said with a frown, either not hearing me or not caring, “life is short.  You should consider making some changes in your life… like maybe finding a man?”
     
    I stopped what I was doing and stared at the counter for a moment, taking in a deep breath.  “Hey, you know, I’ve heard of those,” I snapped. “They pass gas, think with their crotches and walk out on your after nine years of marriage. Not much there, really. I’m not impressed with what I’ve seen so far.”
     
    Her mouth popped open.  I don’t know what I said that took her off guard, but she took her bag and nodded. She took a step back and gave me that frown again. “Have a nice day,” she said. It was a simple statement, but she might as well have called me a bitch… at least that’s how it made me feel.
     
    I raised my hand and almost called out to her as she walked away, thinking I should take her up on her offer. But in the end, I didn’t. I watched her leave the store, her perfectly sculpted ass looking as if the jeans that covered it had been painted on.
     
    When she was out of sight, I could literally feel myself relax, tension leaving my chest and shoulders. But I also felt like a miserable old crone. I looked to the clock, saw that it was indeed lunchtime as Amber had suggested, and decided that I would go grab lunch somewhere. I could be spontaneous. I could be different…so long as it was within my meager budget.
     
    Five minutes later, I was putting up my OUT TO LUNCH sign and locking the front door. I let the tension of Amber’s visit and all of the ugly thoughts I’d had about myself just melt off as I stepped out into the gorgeous Sitka afternoon.  The sun was high and its rays felt amazing on my face as I smiled up at it.  I glanced around the bay, taking in the shimmering cold water and the span of tall Douglas fir and Sitka spruce dotting the shore on the other side.  I sighed.  I did need to make some changes in my life.
     
    ****
     
    I ended up grabbing a roast beef on rye at the small deli on the end of the pier two blocks over from The Pine Way. My store, as well as several others, were located on a long strand of side streets and business-centric piers. Teens would call the scene hipster while older generations would call it liberal. I myself really liked the set-up. I knew the business owners well and they knew me.
     
    As I took in the facades of the quaint stores and buildings, I wondered how many of the people I knew felt the same about me as Amber Dawson did. Perhaps Stan at the deli thought I also needed a man (although certainly not him because he was married and had four kids, the oldest of which was preparing for their first year of college). And did sweet Mrs. Torrence think I was still pining over Mike even though he’d made a fairly public spectacle of our last days? 
     
    Four years and you'd think that I'd have something better to toss around in my head.
     
    I thought about these things as I made the half a mile walk between the deli and my store. Between the two, I ran a few errands—the bank and the post office, which were basically the only places I visited regularly—and found myself thinking deeply about the end of my marriage for the first time in several years.
     
    It was painful, of course. And it also led to other painful things. It made me think of my brother David and how I had argued with him the last time I saw him alive. Three months after the argument, I got the call from mom telling me that he had been