Two Much! Read Online Free PDF

have to hang up now, the other phone is ringing.”
    I hung up, and shook my head. The idea of me phoning Duane Cludder and ordering him to pay my sister her back child-support money was absurd on the face of it. Casting it from my mind, I turned to the accumulated mail stacked on my desk by Gloria, and waded through another sea of pettiness and cheap threats. And also a statement from my distributor, full of numbers out of some sort of accountants’ fantasyland and accompanied by ah insultingly tiny check. I buzzed Gloria. “Get me All-Boro.”
    â€œAnd two Excedrin?”
    â€œNaturally.”
    The rest of the mail slid smoothly across my desk and into the wastebasket, except my Master Charge statement, which went into the center drawer of the desk. As I put it in, my eyes lit on my former glasses, worn until three years ago, when I’d purchased my contact lenses I visualized myself putting them on, saying to Charlie Hillerman, “You wouldn’t hit a man with glasses, would you?”
    Buzz. “All-Boro.”
    â€œRight.” I pushed the button. “Hello?”
    â€œAll-Boro Distributing. Who’s calling, please?” It was the regular receptionist; I recognized her rotund voice.
    â€œThis is Those Wonderful Folks,” I said. “Put that cheap filthy kike bastard on the line.”
    â€œOne moment, please.”
    While I waited, Gloria came in with the Excedrin and the paper cup of water. I downed them, she went away, and Gossmann came on the line, “Hello, Art? Anything wrong, boy?”
    â€œNot a bit of it,” I said. “I was just noticing some pretty heavy returns on this statement you sent me.”
    â€œIt’s been a tough year, Art. Looks like people are moving away from obscenity.”
    â€œAccording to this statement,” I said, “virtually my entire year’s output has been returned from the retailers.”
    â€œWe’ll send them out again in the fall” he said. “Maybe tastes will change again.”
    â€œI sure hope so. In the meantime, I don’t know, call it nostalgia, I thought I’d come visit my stuff.”
    â€œYou what?”
    â€œI thought I’d trot out to your warehouse this afternoon,” I said, “and look at all my cards sitting there.”
    â€œOh, you don’t want to do that,” he said.
    â€œJust a little trip down Memory Lane,” I said.
    â€œIt’s a mess out there right now, Art. We’re doing inventory.”
    â€œIn August?”
    â€œSure, it’s a slow time of year.”
    â€œWell, inventory’s just counting, isn’t it? I’ll come help count. I’ll count all my cards.”
    â€œArt, you’ll just depress yourself. Besides, I think we’re gonna send some out again this afternoon. They’re probably loading on the trucks right now.”
    â€œFast action, Joe,” I said.
    â€œWell, we got your best interests at heart.”
    â€œI’m glad. And I’ve got some other fast action you can do for me.”
    â€œAnything, Art.”
    â€œA revised statement,” I said, “and another check, on my desk by next Wednesday. Or I go to the Queens D.A.” He and I both knew that, since All-Boro’s primary product was pornographic magazines and dirty books, the Queens D.A. would just love an excuse to subpoena the company’s records.
    â€œAw, now, Art,” he said. “We don’t have to get nasty with each other.”
    â€œWe don’t? Next Wednesday, you unutterable prick.”
    I hung up, and looked around my desk. Time was fleeting. Not only would Charlie be here soon, a visitation I was looking forward to missing, but if I didn’t manage to get out of town and grab an earlier ferry than Ralph, Candy was likely to have a relapse.
    The Christmas card. I needed a Christian; how about Cal Knox? I didn’t owe him any money at the moment. I called him, he loved the