Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself: 40 Ways to Transform Your Inner Critic and Your Life Read Online Free PDF

told that my truth, perspective, and feelings were shameful.
    At first I felt angry toward my parents and any adults who may have known what had been going on but hadn't shown concerntoward my experience of the situation. But then, like a scientist, I detached and focused on how to release the shame. I could see that some part of me must still be carrying shame toward speaking my truth, and the only way to release it was to share it. So I told my story to a trusted friend (who is also a counselor). I made no omissions, and I quickly started to feel better. No one outside my family had known about what was going on, or what I'd experienced and seen. By telling someone outside of the family, I felt a shift—as if a spell was being broken.
    Telling my truth did not make the sky fall down. It did not make me feel shameful. And it helped me see that while I'd been nurturing the brave, confident, no-BS side of me, there was a neglected side that needed to be seen—the lonely, frustrated, confused, and ignored side. Those “negative” aspects of ourselves are often the emotions we try to avoid, but as I began to validate them (“of course you felt isolated Sarah; the adults in your life were cutting you off from expressing yourself”), it helped me feel more compassion toward myself.
    Feeling proud of yourself for your good qualities is one thing; being able to embrace yourself when you feel anger, resentment, or jealousy is another. And I learned that I have a right to feel all things. Just as it's okay to be excited, happy, and content, it's also okay to feel sad, nervous, and bored. Especially if you had an incident as a youngster where your “negative” emotions weren't given space to be expressed, it's important to be able to validate them now as an adult.
    A lot of self-love work is about uncovering that hidden part of yourself and giving it light, room to breathe, and the capacity to exist. When we deny any part of ourselves, we are not allowing ourselves to be truly who we are. That's not to say we should broadcast all our vulnerabilities on Twitter or share intimate stories with people who we know are incapable of honoring our truth. It could mean seeing a counselor or airing it to a nonjudgmental support network.
    When we realize we were “made” to keep our truths hidden by our environment or others, the first natural step is to feel angry, especially if this pattern of having to keep quiet took place as a kid or teen. Why didn't the adults in our lives do the right thing and give us space to be heard? Normally it had to do with their fears, insecurities, shame, and inability to face the truth for themselves. The important thing is to accept that they were unable to have done anything differently—to have provided you with what you needed.
    Whatever you feel you needed (validation, support, safety to speak the truth), accept and make peace with the fact that you may never get these things from them. You can't rewrite history, and it may be likely that they are still, now, incapable of giving these things to you. What you can do today, right now, is begin to release the habit of self-repression that you may have learned from the past.
    How do you do that? Start to shine light and love on your truth, whether that's turning your attention to your true passions that may have been ignored or taking baby steps to speak up on what doesn'twork for you. Often we swallow our own opinions or needs in order to “keep the peace.” It's time to take very small steps to rock the boat!
    If you are subconsciously holding out for someone else to finally “see” you or love the real you, drop in with yourself and ask: “Do I see the ‘real’ me? Am I allowing my true self to be voiced, to be seen, to take up space?” Do you have spaces in your life where you can let your guard down and be authentic?
    I've found that having my truths validated is hugely important, and this simple exercise is a good place to start: Visualize