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anywhere near Deacon. Everything is just falling apart.” 
    I’m breathing heavily. Trembling everywhere. My skin feels hot but freezing at the same time. The shadows snake their way into my mind and I’m tired. I’m too tired to fight so I let the panic take me. Fragments of thoughts and flashes of visions crash around in my brain while waves of energy cause my body to rock back and forth. I let the panic suffocate me. It doesn’t make any sense. The visions, fears, panic. It never makes any sense.
    I’m only vaguely aware when Nan places her strong hands on either side of my face and touches her nose to mine, something she’s done since I was a child. It takes me awhile but I find my way to her. My eyes dart back and forth until I see her. My gaze locks onto hers and my thoughts instantly slow. I take a deep breath and try to rein them in. 
    The snowball effect of the panic is the hardest to overcome but when I look into Nan’s eyes her power gives me strength. She’s the one who took me off the zombie meds, she’s the one who believes I can over come the attacks on my own. I’m not so sure it’s true but it doesn’t matter now, anyway.
    The attacks are getting worse. Mom wants me back on meds. I just don’t have the heart to tell Nan.  
    The attack takes so much out of me I don’t have the strength to hold myself up. I sink down and rest my head on her lap.
    “Why does this happen to me?” I ask quietly even though I know she doesn’t know. 
    There is no trauma in my past, no abuse. My parents would have to pay attention to me in order to abuse me. I’ve been to so many doctors and none of them know why. First it was depression, then panic disorder and now it’s obsessive-compulsive disorder and mild agoraphobia. I don’t even know what any of that means. Apparently the doctors don’t either. At least they’ve never explained it to me in a way that makes sense to me.
    “Because this is the way you are. You’re wired this way and there’s no reason why you can’t learn to control them.” She strokes my hair.
    “I just want them to go away. I hate them so much.” 
    She shushes me. 
    “Just rest for awhile, darling. You’ve had a long day.” 
    My eyes flutter. It’s hard to keep them open. My body feels three times heavier. 
    “How are you feeling, Nan?” I turn to her. She won’t return my gaze.
    “Oh, I’m fine. You have a nap, then I’ll make you a nice dinner. I’ll call your mother and tell her you’ll stay with me tonight.”
    She reaches to the end of the couch and pulls a wool blanket up to my chin. I’m just too tired to question her. I know something is wrong. 
    Nan’s as bad a liar as I am. 

CHAPTER FOUR
    Lachlan
     
    I slide silently out of Gram’s house sometime around midnight and push my motorbike out of the garage. I push it almost half a block before I dare to start it. 
    Rawlins’ words bounce around in my head about what Gram did for me. Taking full legal responsibility like that. Guilt bubbles at a full rolling boil under my skin. This is no way to pay her back. I glance down at my phone again, a new text that simply said 408 10th Ave. 
    That’s the pick up. I growl low in my throat, wishing I could tell them to shove it. Especially now that I know what Gram did. 
    But I owe just as much to these guys. 
    This is really fucked up. 
    Ask for help once and this is what I get. A gig as a drug runner for the biggest dealer in town. Yeah, they say it’s the last time. They’ve been saying that for weeks, but once I turn 18, I can’t run anymore.  
    I shove the phone in my pocket and swing a leg over my bike. Revving the engine, the bike lurches forward.
    The back tire skids along the pavement because, like everything else in my life, I push the gas a little too hard. 
    ~
    I pick up at 10th Ave all the time, so I know exactly where to go. Routine. 
    I slow the bike as I reach the old wooden house and pull into the cracking driveway. There’s a