Thud! Read Online Free PDF

“…and that’s how the table got knocked over…’cos,” and here Nobby’s face assumed an expression of virtuous imbecility that was really quite frightening to see, “he’d have really hurt himself if he’d taken a swig of troll coffee, sir.”
    Inside, Vimes sighed. As stupid, lame excuses went, it wasn’t actually a bad one. For one thing, it had the virtue of being completely unbelievable. No dwarf would come close to picking up a mug of troll expresso, which was a molten chemical stew with rust sprinkled on the top. Everyone knew this, just as everyone knew that Vimes could see that Brakensheild was holding an axe over his head and Constable Bluejohn was still frozen in the act of wrenching a club off Mica. And everyone knew, too, that Vimes was in the mood to sack the first bloody idiot to make a wrong move, and probably anyone standing near him.
    “That’s what it was, was it?” said Vimes. “So it wasn’t, as it might be, someone making a nasty remark about a fellow officer and others of his race, perhaps? Some little bit of stupidity to add to the mess of it that’s floating around the streets right now?”
    “Oh, nothing like that, sir,” said Nobby. “Just one of them…things.”
    “Nearly a nasty accident, was it?” said Vimes.
    “Yessir!”
    “Well, we don’t want any nasty accidents, do we, Nobby…”
    “Nosir!”
    “ None of us want nasty accidents, I expect,” said Vimes, looking around the room. Some of the constables, he was grimly glad to see, were sweating with the effort of not moving. “And it’s so easy to have ’em, when your mind isn’t firmly on the job. Understood?”
    There was a general muttering.
    “I can’t hear you!”
    This time there were audible riffs on the theme of “Yessir!”
    “Right,” snapped Vimes. “Now get out there and keep the peace, because as sure as hell you won’t do it in here!” He directed a special glare at Constables Brakenshield and Mica, and strode back to the main office, where he almost bumped into Sergeant Angua.
    “Sorry, sir, I was just fetching—” she began.
    “I sorted it out, don’t worry,” said Vimes. “But it was that close.”
    “Some of the dwarfs are really on edge, sir. I can smell it,” said Angua.
    “You and Fred Colon,” said Vimes.
    “I don’t think it’s just the Hamcrusher thing, sir. It’s something…dwarfish.”
    “Well, I can’t beat it out of them. And just when the day couldn’t get any worse, I’ve got to interview a damned vampire.”
    Too late Vimes saw the urgent look in Angua’s eyes.
    “Ah…I think that would be me,” said a small voice behind him.

 
    F red Colon and Nobby Nobbs, having been rousted from their lengthy coffee break, proceeded gently up Broad Way, giving the ol’ uniform an airing. What with one thing or another, it was probably a good idea not to be back at the Yard for a while.
    They walked like men who had all day. They did have all day. They had chosen this particular street because it was busy and wide and you didn’t get too many trolls and dwarfs in this part of town. The reasoning was faultless. In lots of areas, right now, dwarfs or trolls were wandering around in groups or, alternatively, staying still in groups in case any of those wandering bastards tried any trouble in this neighborhood. There had been little flare-ups for weeks. In these areas, Nobby and Fred considered, there wasn’t much peace, so it was a waste of effort to keep what little was left of it, right? You wouldn’t try keeping sheep in places where all the sheep got eaten by wolves, right? It stood to reason. It would look silly. Whereas in big streets like Broad Way there was lots of peace, which, obviously, needed keeping. Common sense told them this was true. It was as plain as the nose on your face, and especially the one on Nobby’s face.
    “Bad business,” said Colon, as they strolled. “I’ve never seen the dwarfs like this.”
    “It always gets tricky, Sarge,