This Is a Book Read Online Free PDF

show business.
    At lunch Socrates voiced his misgivings.
    “Should I be doing all of this?” he asked. “I mean, is the unexamined life even worth—”
    “Are you being serious?” interrupted Jackie. “Do you want to be a star philosopher or do you want to go back to waiting tables?”
    Jackie was one of the few people who really knew how to handle Socrates, usually by cutting him off and answering his questions with a question of her own. And, as always, she managed to convince Socrates that she was right and avoid being fired. Socrates listened to her, then paid for both of their lunches and went right back to work.
    It was shortly after that fateful lunch that the backlash began. Socrates’s constant questions had become intolerable to many of theGreek elite. Still, as his Publicist had promised, he had become a brand. Imitators all over Athens were now practicing the new
Socratic Method
. More and more young people were asking each other questions and doing it with Socrates’s patented smart-assy tone.
    A few days later, Socrates was brought to trial and charged with corrupting the youth.
    Socrates wanted to apologize to the Senate. He knew his constant public appearances had angered a lot of people. So he prepared a speech for the trial and called it “The Apology.” But moments before he was scheduled to appear before the Senate, he received a message backstage. It was from Jackie. She wanted to talk with him. A minute later she appeared.
    “You can’t do this,” she pleaded.
    “Do what?”
    “Apologize. That’s what everyone expects you to do. If you do that, then there will be no surprise, no twist, and without that there will be no story. And with no story, there’s no career, Socrates.”
    “But what if they find me guilty?”
    “That’s exactly what you want! Go out there and surprise them. Throw the charges back in their faces. Let them find you guilty. It will get people talking. And if they offer you ex, don’t take it. Go for death! What you need to do is the most extreme, unexpected thing you can think of.”
    “Really?” the confused philosopher asked.
    “Yes! This is your chance to make
real
headlines, Socrates. Trust me. And, don’t worry about the sentence they give you. I’ll take care of it. I know so many people in the Senate, I can easily spin it so that you won’t have to die or whatever else they threaten you with.”
    Socrates thought for a long moment. “Are you sure?”
    “Yeees! Trust me. It’ll be amaaazing!”
    A few minutes later, Socrates found himself standing before the Senate delivering his, now infamous, final speech. Following his Publicist’s advice, the overexposed philosopher defied the Senate and declared to them and to his fellow Athenians that he wouldopt for death by drinking hemlock. And, sure enough, everyone who heard him was stunned.
    Socrates finished his speech and returned to his cell. Awaiting his official sentence, he was eager to see Jackie and bask in the glow of a job well done.
    But his Publicist was nowhere to be found.
    It seems that, unbeknownst to Jackie, Socrates was out of money. With all of the commissions he was paying to his representation, including his agent, manager, tour manager, stylist, and various support staff, and now with attorney’s fees on top of that, he was broke. Jackie had only now just discovered this fact when her billing department informed her that her philosopher client was way behind in paying commission.
    As his execution date approached, Socrates sent messenger after messenger to Jackie. None of his messages were returned. Jackie had officially dropped him as a client.
    Finally, confused, frustrated, and exhausted, Socrates prepared himself for the end. Surrounded by prison guards, he took the poison-filled chalice and raised it to his lips. Just then one of the guards looked at Socrates and said, “So, what happened to your Publicist?”
    Socrates looked at the guard and replied, “Publicist? Don’t