stood in front of the mirror. I looked at myself from the front and the side and used a hand mirror to look at the back. I could definitely see that I wasnât exactly skin and bones but I didnât really think I looked fat. Maybe the doctor didnât mean anything. Then again, why would he even mention weight if he didnât think it was worth thinking about? I looked again. Well, maybe my butt bulged out a little more than it should. Maybe I should try to lose a pound or two.
It didnât seem like that big a deal. Just cut out snacks. That didnât sound hard.
So, I wasnât too uptight about the whole weight thing at first. After all, none of my friends had ever said I was fat. No one had ever run screaming in horror when they saw me walking down the street. It wasnât a big deal.
Besides, I had much bigger things on my mind. Annie and I were about to enter the hallowed halls of high school. We were a mess of mixed emotions. No, thatâs not true. I was a mess of mixed emotions. Annie was, of course, cool. I was running around like a hyperactive puppy chasing its tail while Annie sat comfortably and laughed at me.
âWhat are you doing?â she asked me one day as I frantically emptied out my entire closet, trying on one outfit after another.
âI am trying to find the perfect first-day outfit, of course!â I said, my voice disappearing into the sweater I was trying to pull down over my head while pulling on a pair of pants at the same time. I stood in front of the mirror and tried to see myself from all sides. I looked disgusting and made a sound that matched my looks.
âThatâs very ladylike of you.â Annie shook her head. âStop staring at yourself in the mirror. Itâs getting to be a very weird habit. You look fine in that, just like you looked fine in the last ten outfits you tried on. Itâs just school. You need to relax.â
Grinning widely, she smacked me in the face with a pillow. In my mind, it was the dragon pillow, but Iâm not sure of that anymore. Anyway, I couldnât let her get away with such violence and I quickly responded with a volley up the back of her head. That started a full-fledged war. Everything was a weapon, including all of the clothes I had thrown on the floor. Stuffed dragons finally took flight, soaring through the air, hitting everything in the room but Annie and me. We totally trashed my room and fell backwards on my bed, laughing at the ceiling.
âYou arenât scared at all?â I asked her when I could breathe again.
âNo, not really. What exactly are you scared of?â She looked at me sideways, her long black hair half covering her face and spread all over the pillow in a million directions.
I thought about her question for a minute. What was Iscared of? A better question would have been, what wasnât I scared of? I was scared that I wouldnât have good enough marks to get into university some day. I was scared that the teachers would be scarier than the dragon lady in kindergarten and that they would expect me to already know everything. I was scared that I would have ten hours of homework every day. I was scared that I wouldnât fit in with the high school kids. I was scared that there would be boys there and they wouldnât notice me. I was scared that there would be boys there and they would notice me. I was scared that my clothes wouldnât be right, or my hair wouldnât be right, or my backpack wouldnât be right, or my shoes wouldnât be right, or my face wouldnât be right, or my body wouldnât be right â or I wouldnât be right.
âOh, I donât really know,â I said out loud, closing my eyes so that Annie wouldnât be able to see the truth. It wasnât really a full-out lie anyway. I really didnât know how to answer. There were too many choices to pin it down! She probably saw it anyway. Annie could always figure
It didnât seem like that big a deal. Just cut out snacks. That didnât sound hard.
So, I wasnât too uptight about the whole weight thing at first. After all, none of my friends had ever said I was fat. No one had ever run screaming in horror when they saw me walking down the street. It wasnât a big deal.
Besides, I had much bigger things on my mind. Annie and I were about to enter the hallowed halls of high school. We were a mess of mixed emotions. No, thatâs not true. I was a mess of mixed emotions. Annie was, of course, cool. I was running around like a hyperactive puppy chasing its tail while Annie sat comfortably and laughed at me.
âWhat are you doing?â she asked me one day as I frantically emptied out my entire closet, trying on one outfit after another.
âI am trying to find the perfect first-day outfit, of course!â I said, my voice disappearing into the sweater I was trying to pull down over my head while pulling on a pair of pants at the same time. I stood in front of the mirror and tried to see myself from all sides. I looked disgusting and made a sound that matched my looks.
âThatâs very ladylike of you.â Annie shook her head. âStop staring at yourself in the mirror. Itâs getting to be a very weird habit. You look fine in that, just like you looked fine in the last ten outfits you tried on. Itâs just school. You need to relax.â
Grinning widely, she smacked me in the face with a pillow. In my mind, it was the dragon pillow, but Iâm not sure of that anymore. Anyway, I couldnât let her get away with such violence and I quickly responded with a volley up the back of her head. That started a full-fledged war. Everything was a weapon, including all of the clothes I had thrown on the floor. Stuffed dragons finally took flight, soaring through the air, hitting everything in the room but Annie and me. We totally trashed my room and fell backwards on my bed, laughing at the ceiling.
âYou arenât scared at all?â I asked her when I could breathe again.
âNo, not really. What exactly are you scared of?â She looked at me sideways, her long black hair half covering her face and spread all over the pillow in a million directions.
I thought about her question for a minute. What was Iscared of? A better question would have been, what wasnât I scared of? I was scared that I wouldnât have good enough marks to get into university some day. I was scared that the teachers would be scarier than the dragon lady in kindergarten and that they would expect me to already know everything. I was scared that I would have ten hours of homework every day. I was scared that I wouldnât fit in with the high school kids. I was scared that there would be boys there and they wouldnât notice me. I was scared that there would be boys there and they would notice me. I was scared that my clothes wouldnât be right, or my hair wouldnât be right, or my backpack wouldnât be right, or my shoes wouldnât be right, or my face wouldnât be right, or my body wouldnât be right â or I wouldnât be right.
âOh, I donât really know,â I said out loud, closing my eyes so that Annie wouldnât be able to see the truth. It wasnât really a full-out lie anyway. I really didnât know how to answer. There were too many choices to pin it down! She probably saw it anyway. Annie could always figure
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