THIEF: Part 5 Read Online Free PDF Page B

no ex, no boyfriend.But I can’t shut off my thoughts, no matter how hard I try.
                  I grab my phone from the nightstand and text Fiona. Did something really stupid tonight.Like…the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.But I’m not a hundred percent sure it was that bad.Which makes it worse.
                  Hitting Send, I chew my cheek and squint at the bright screen.She probably won’t write back tonight; she and her new boyfriend have a hotel room across the street, so she’s either asleep or having sex.I’m jealous of her either way.
                  But, a few seconds later, I get a response. Tell me everything.
                  My thumbs hover over the letters, trying to figure out how I can possibly explain this without sounding heartless.In the end, I decide, there’s no right way.I just have to say it.
                  I slept with Silas .
                  The pause that follows is only eight minutes, but it’s the longest of my life so far.I’m about to erase the thread and go to sleep, when a new message hits the Inbox.
                  Meet me in your lobby , she says. I’m on my way now.
     
     

Chapter Four
     
     
    “So when you say ‘slept with,’ you mean….”
                  I sigh, setting my paper cup of green tea down on the table between us.Fiona keeps trying to find some kind of bright side or loophole to this, despite my insistence that there isn’t one.“I mean we had sex, Fiona.We kissed, he…did things to me…we slept together.Black-and-white facts.”I run my hands through my hair, pulling loose bobby pins out and stacking them like firewood on the table.“Obviously, I feel, like...insanely guilty about it.As in, this guilt is literally going to drive me insane, I think.”
                  Fiona glances around the lobby, deserted except for us, an on-call businessman in the breakfast area, and a bored receptionist playing on his cell phone.“You said you’re not totally sure it was that bad, though.So I was thinking, okay, maybe it wasn’t like…I don’t know, real sex.”
                  “What’s ‘real sex,’ exactly?”
                  She shrugs.“Sex-sex.Like…not that kissing or giving head aren’t cheating, they are—just saying, they aren’t as bad.In my book.”
                  “Well.I did the bad one.We basically did it all.”I take another sip of tea, scalding my lips.“I know saying it was the ‘heat of the moment’ is totally lame, and it doesn’t justify what I did…but that’s exactly how it was.Seeing Silas again, it’s just—It brought up a lot for me.Stuff I’d thought I was moving past, because I was with Alex.”I correct myself.“Am with Alex.”
                  “Do you love him?”
                  “Which one?”
                  “Either, I guess.”
                  “Yeah.”
                  She waits.
                  “Both,” I elaborate.“I love both of them.It’s like, with Alex, I feel this complete security, you know?I could see myself with him for a really long time.Maybe forever, not that I’m thinking that far ahead.Just saying, he’s got serious potential.And he’s sweet, cute, funny…He takes care of me.”
                  Fiona nods, and her silent support makes me wonder what the hell I’d do without her.We only met a few months ago, when her dad and Aunt Jane were still planning their wedding, but our friendship feels a lot older because of this: no judgment, no matter what.
                  “And with Silas…”I pause, shaking my head.“I don’t feel security at all.I used to feel this intense trust, like he completely understood me, and I could tell him anything.Even though that’s not there anymore, I remember how it felt, and in the moment it was