The World's Loudest Armpit Fart Read Online Free PDF Page A

the purple jelly slid down her hair and on to her shoulders. ‘Tell them!’
    Mum shook her head and looked thoughtful. ‘I think we need more Winkle.’

    Dear Danny

    Following your recent jelly exploits, I thought you would be interested to know that ‘Wibberley Wobberly – the Jellies from Mobberley’ are now officially world-beaters! Scientist from The Great Big Book of World Records have checked their jellies with a Wibblewobblemeter, and I can now declare that they are officially the World’s Wibbliest Wobbliest Jellies!

    The company has a fascinating history. In 1835, the town of Mobberley in Cheshire was bathed in delicious aromas, as two friends, Wilberforce Wibberley and Waldorf Wobberley, opened a small jelly factory on Pigsfoot Lane. They sold their special, exotic home-made jellies from The Wibberley Wobberley Jelly and Sewing Machine Emporium on the High Street, and a quickly gained a reputation for producing the wobbliest and wobbliest jellies in England. Unfortunately their sewing machines were considered to make the wobbliest wobbliest clothes in England, so the friends made the excellent decision to forget all about sewing machines and concentrate on jelly-making. I for one am glad they did!

    In 1838, the friends opened the Mobberley Medicinal Jellies Baths. People travelled from all over the world to ‘take the jelly wallow’. The company’s vast range of herbal jellies became famous for curing all sorts of conditions, such as Lubbock’s Lumbago, Gumboot Gout and Seriously Spotty Bottom Symdrome.

    The company’s big break came in 1840, when Wilberforce Wibberley sent Queen Victoria a box of Bratwurst and Strawberry-flavoured jelly to celebrate her marriage to the German Prince Albert. Her Majesty was very amused, and declared the jelly to be ‘the most wobblesome food I have ever tasted’. The Queen liked the treat so much, that ‘Wibberley Wobberley – the Jellies from Mobberley’ became official suppliers of jelly to the Crown.

    The jellies wibbled and wobbled to every part of the British Empire. During the Crimean War, Colonel Fortesque Ponsonby-Fflip, Commander of the 1st (and Last) Ponsonby Peashooter Regiment, said his army ‘marched on their jellies’. It was true! They filled their boots with Wibberley Wobberley Mushy-pea flavour to keep their feet warm!

    In May 1854, the 3rd Battalion 379th Regiment of the Lordy Lowland Artillery ran out of cannonballs during the Battle of Umskidazi. Luckily the regimental cook had just made up a batch of extra wobbly Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding jellies, and the gunners used these instead, the Russian army surrendered immediately so that they could eat the yummy sweet.

    The year 1923 was the darkest in the company’s history. A mysterious contamination of the jelly vats in the factory caused the jellies to lose their famous wibble. The company’s deadly rivals, ‘Jiggly Juggly – the Jellies from Buggly’, were suspected of foul play, but nothing could be proved. People stopped buying Wibberley Wobberley, and although the jellies eventually got their wibble back, sales never recovered.

    However, in 1992, Millie Wibbereley and Molly Wobberley, Wilberforce and Waldorf’s great-great-great-granddaughters, brought the company bask to life. They began to invent uniquely weird and wonderful mixes, and sponsored the first Mobberley Jelly-spring Marathon. They also supported the British Jelly-juggling team that won the world championships five years in a row. Now, with the award of ‘The World’s Wibbliest Wobbliest Jellies’, I am delighted to officially announce that ‘Wibberley Wobberley – the Jellies from Mobberley’ are back on top of the world!

    Best wishes
    Eric Bibby
    Keeper of the Records



To The Keeper of the Records
    The Great Big Book of World Records
    London

    Dear Mr Bibby

    Yesterday I attempted the Continuous Musical Armpit-farting record. I managed to play 2,081 verses of ‘Old MacDonald Had a Farm’ on my