and winked. She was a good sport. Plus, three guys had practically set up campsites around her at our table, which was always a great consolation to Cindy.
Matt and I both lay on our backs on the beach and played tic-tac-toe on an imaginary board in the black sky. Very drunk couples stumbled by us, oblivious to Matt and me. I, on the other hand, was aware of every grain of sand under my head, the smell of the ocean air and every voice that passed by us.
“When I get you back to my hotel room I am going to fuck your brains out,” a guy told a girl as he draped his arm around her like a wounded soldier.
“I haven’t got any brains left, but you can still fuck me,” she laughed as if this were the funniest thing in the world. Then he chased her and tackled her to the sand.
“I can’t wait another second. You are so hot,” said Drunk Guy as the couple laughed and rolled in the sand.
Matt looked at me and smiled as we were both simultaneously embarrassed and titillated by the uninhibited, unbridled sexuality.
“Um, X in the number six spot,” he smirked.
The couple got up and continued chasing each other on the sand until we could not see them anymore. Surely, they each woke up the next morning on the shore of the Atlantic Ocean, shook sand from their underpants and muttered, “Who the hell are you?”
“I already put my O in number six,” I said.
“No you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did. You’re drunk. You just forgot.”
He sat up quickly. “You are a cheater!”
“Am not!”
“Are too!” he laughed. “You are cheating at tic-tac-toe. Do you know what that makes you?”
Absolutely, totally in love with you?
“What?” I said with a smile that connected in the back of my head.
“Pathetic.”
How could a man calling me pathetic sound sweeter than any sonnet or poem or song I’ve ever heard in my life?
“Lucky for you, pathetic is exactly what I’m looking for in a girl.”
We both gave each other that pre-kiss smile, then stopped. The tic-tac-toe, the banter of pathetic cheating was all completely irrelevant and we both knew it. It was all leading to this. He leaned down slowly as if to ask if it was okay to kiss me. I smiled and did not stop him. Then for the first time our lips touched each other, and arms enveloped the other’s bodies. I had to remind myself not to caress every part of his clothed body, desperate to take in every detail of him. It would seem too needy, I thought. But he was just what I needed.
Now more so than ever, though I hadn’t realized it until that moment at the Michigan homecoming. I looked through the binoculars again. It looked so much like Matt. I wondered if Fate had sacked Common Sense.
Chapter 4
The Michigan football team huddled during a timeout, while I also decided what my game plan would be. I could have easily moved forty yards across the stadium bleachers without being tackled like a running back carrying the ball. But when I got to his section, I might have encountered unnecessary roughness. This guy very well could’ve been someone who just looked like Matt. Or worse, it would be him, and his beautiful wife and their two strapping sons.
I reminded myself that if I stopped right then, I could always preserve my version of our history. Frankly, the real version wasn’t so great, but this installment could be downright humiliating. He could politely introduce me to his wife as an “old friend,” then entertain her with the story of his abrupt departure from my life.
“I don’t blame you for a moment, darling,” she would say to Matt, pitying the poor soul for ever having to spend time with me.
“Seeing that raggedy old Prudence reminds me of how lucky I am to have a beautiful wife like you,” Matt would say to her at dinner that night as they toasted their blissfully perfect life together. She would return with something delightfully witty, never once referring to their love as “real.”
Still, I decided to go over and see what would