The Way Back to You Read Online Free PDF

whispered. “A lot. I think I like him a lot.”
    My smile was so big and stiff; I must have looked like a wax figure. “Since when?”
    “Seven thirty-three. This morning.”
    “Ashlyn, what ? He’s been here for months—”
    “I know! I mean, I’ve seen him around Matty’s house before and I’ve always thought he was cute. But he walked me inside the main entrance and held the door open for me, and all of a sudden I have cartoon hearts in my eyes. For Kyle. ”
    I pressed my spine into the wall. “Does he like you, too?”
    “Maybe?”
    A tornado rioted through me. I could have told her the truth, and she would have dropped it. But then what? That weirdness would be a constant wedge between us. And in that moment, I believed that giving Kyle up could be simple, but I’d never forgive myself for ruining this for Ashlyn. I wouldn’t carve thatline into our friendship. What I didn’t anticipate was that keeping the secret could be just as damaging. And that I wouldn’t get over Kyle the way I wanted to. “What are you going to do?”
    “Invite him to Winter Formal. They’re announcing it at the assembly later, and I could ask him right away.” She bounced up on her toes, and her expression was so hopeful it made my stomach hurt. “You’re a bold, self-sufficient woman. Tell me: Should I just do it?”
    It was as if poisonous gas had leaked from the heating system. I knew Kyle would say yes—he’d be a total cretin not to. Ashlyn was a star. She was warm, and fierce, and the prettiest person I’d ever seen. She was happiest when she was making other people happy. So I told her yes. Ask him.
    “Ashlyn loved pandas,” I blurt out now, motioning to the pillow in Kyle’s right hand. I brace myself to melt from embarrassment. As if he doesn’t know that Ashlyn loved pandas. As if he didn’t adopt the symbolic kind for her on one of their monthiversaries, only to have her agonize over what to name it (Pandy Warhol). As if that’s not the reason he picked up that pillow in the first place.
    “I remember,” he mumbles, putting both pillows back on the shelf.
    “I’m sure.” It comes out snappy and I peek over my own shoulder, reflexively checking for the exits.
    We stand opposite each other, shifting and silent. A woman pushing a shopping cart filled with paper towel rolls sashays between us. It’s like she can’t tell we’re even in the middle of a conversation. I guess we aren’t, really.
    “Hey, do you want to . . .” I trail off, gesturing behind me. “I need to buy something for a gift basket. You could help. If you’re not busy.”
    And maybe if we’re walking, and he’s not looking at me, I won’t be such a disaster.
    Kyle’s mouth opens a bit, and he hesitates before letting out a strangled “Okay.” Then he scoops up the shopping basket at his feet and follows my lead until we get to the action figure aisle. We’re completely uneasy around each other, and it sucks, but it’s all my doing, anyway.
    Talking to him used to come easy, too easy , for me. I was actually impatient for first-period bio and dissecting virtual animals—after all the animal-rights speeches from Ashlyn, I refused to slice into the real ones. It meant sharing a computer with him, one focal point for a few minutes. But outside of class, there was always Matty, and his other friends, and eventually, Ashlyn. After she asked him to Formal, they started getting closer, and I purposely forgot how to talk to Kyle.
    So shopping with him will be new.
    “What are you looking for?” he asks. We’re alone, and it seems darker in here, not as starkly bright and exposed as the center aisles.
    “Basically anything that’ll make a six-year-old’s day.”
    He laughs softly and it sounds right, like something I’ve heard before, and maybe if he sounds like familiar Kyle, he really is okay. “Is this a cheer thing?”
    “What else?” I say, wandering farther away. “It’s for the library—we’re raffling off