The Watercress File: Being the Further Adventures of That Man from C. A. M. P.

The Watercress File: Being the Further Adventures of That Man from C. A. M. P. Read Online Free PDF

Book: The Watercress File: Being the Further Adventures of That Man from C. A. M. P. Read Online Free PDF
Author: V. J. Banis
Tags: Humor, Gay, camp, parody, man from U.N.C.L.E.
that he was versatile. He had always made it a policy to be what the other one wasn’t. He found that he enjoyed many more opportunities that way.
    â€œOf course,” he said aloud, changing the subject. “We could just go to this poodle parlor and see what we can find.”
    â€œIt would be closed by this time of night,” Mathews reminded him. “And we can hardly break in without some more conclusive evidence. And we won’t have that until we know what the note says.”
    So they waited. And an hour and a half later, they were still waiting. By the time the phone on Craig’s desk rang, the agent was so nervous that he nearly hit the ceiling. Jackie, too, was impatient, although he was less nervous. He had been trained to remain calm in any situation, in order to function more efficiently.
    Mathews could not hide his disappointment, however, as he listened to the speaker on the other end of the line, speaking only an occasional monosyllable himself. His face was grim as he finally hung up the phone and turned to Jackie.
    â€œWe’re out of luck. The boys haven’t been able to break that code yet. They think it might be unbreakable.”
    â€œWould you object if I took this along with me?” Jackie asked, indicating his copy of the note.
    â€œWhat for?” Mathews asked.
    â€œC.A.M.P., the organization I work for, has as fine a staff of code experts as exists anywhere in the world. I won’t believe this thing is really unbreakable until they have had a crack at it.”
    Mathews was rather disdainful. “If our boys couldn’t do anything with it, I hardly think it likely that your amateurs would do better.”
    â€œIt can’t hurt anything to let them try.” Jackie pointed out. “We’re not doing anything but sitting here wasting time anyway.”
    Mathews shrugged carelessly. “I suppose you’re right there. But where do we find your people without going all the way to Los Angeles?”
    â€œOh, Los Angeles is only a local office, just as the one here in Washington is. Each of them operates more or less independently, but always under the assistance of High Camp, or headquarters.”
    â€œAnd where is...your headquarters?”
    â€œEven I don’t know that,” Jackie admitted. “It could be anywhere on this earth, or maybe even off of it.”
    â€œDoesn’t that make your work a little more difficult?” Craig asked.
    â€œNot really. We’re in constant communication—not directly, but through the local offices. And think of it this way, isn’t it a lot safer if no one knows where to find you? Look how many risks would be eliminated if no one knew where our government was located, or our atomic defenses.”
    â€œI guess you’re right,” Mathews admitted begrudgingly; it annoyed him for some peculiar reason to think that this fairy might be able to say something intelligent. Everyone knew gay fellows were giddy and silly, and incapable of thinking deeply.
    â€œThen I can take this message to C.A.M.P., and let the local office have a look at it?”
    â€œAll right, but on one condition,” Craig agreed. “I’ll go along, just to be sure there isn’t anything out of the way.”
    â€œFine,” Jackie said, with a sly grin. “But you may find things a bit unorthodox.”
    â€œThat I don’t doubt,” Mathews said, remembering Jackie’s peculiar relatives—and Jackie himself was unique, so far as that went.
    They left the office and Mathews led the way to a parking lot in the rear, where a Volkswagon was parked. “Since our chauffeur never came back, we’ll have to go on our own steam,” he said, climbing behind the wheel. “Where to?”
    â€œLafayette Park,” Jackie instructed him.
    Mathews gave him a funny glance. The park, although it was directly across the street from the nation’s most famous
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